


Oh, I Think that I Found Myself a Cheerleader

by ifwallscouldspeak



Series: I Swear, Her and I Are Soulmates [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bad Matchmaking, Elias the Yousana Fanboy, F/M, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Islamophobia Mention, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant After Episode 7, Yousef and Sana Making Heart Eyes At Each Other, racism mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 02:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11174766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifwallscouldspeak/pseuds/ifwallscouldspeak
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Elias Bakkoush wasn’t clueless when it came to Yousef and Sana’s feelings for each other. If anyone was clueless about this whole thing, it was Sana and Yousef. And Elias? Elias was fucking fed up. (Or, five times Elias tried to set up his best friend and his sister, and the one time they finally get together.)





	Oh, I Think that I Found Myself a Cheerleader

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from Omi’s “Cheerleader,” which is literally the sweetest song in the world. And in this case, Elias is the cheerleader, captain, and choreographer of Team Yousana. 
> 
> This was un-beta’d, so all grammar, spelling, and syntax mistakes were mine. Before I start off, big, big thank you to SKAM English for all of their work, they’re literally the only reason why I was able to watch this show. 
> 
> I plotted and started writing this after watching S04E07 and had ALL THE FEELS. It was supposed to be a small, fluffy piece, but somehow turned into this monstrosity. Mostly because I was left unsatisfied by all of the non-conversations that were happening and the fact that we were not getting many Yousana scenes. So, this is not-canon compliant after episode 7. 
> 
> I got this idea because Elias is CLEARLY a Yousana fanboy! Literally, he is my pure sunshine child and the best brother and I thought it would be really cute to have him play matchmaker. But then I caught serious feelings and started thinking a lot more about the lack of communication and nuances of the characters and this is what came through. I also really just wanted to do something that explored a bit the important relationships in Sana’s life (besides Yousef). 
> 
> Also, season 4 is literally the only season I’ve watched, so if anything doesn’t vibe canonically with the past seasons, that would be why. 
> 
> Just so I don't spoil anything, I've added more End Notes that talk about some of the scenes and my thought process (if you're interested). 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy this, and I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S CANON THAT YOUSANA ARE SOUL MATES, YAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. When will another OTP ever??

**0.**

Contrary to popular belief, Elias Bakkoush wasn’t clueless when it came to Yousef and Sana’s feelings for each other.

And, okay, maybe he was a little slow in the uptake at first. But could anyone blame him? It’s not like he was actively looking for all the starry-eyed looks that his best friend and his baby sister had been throwing at each other.

It was just… it was like this.

As much as he loved both of them, it’s not like he was intentionally looking to set them up or anything. He was just happy that all his friends were respectful and sweet to Sana. He never really thought about one of the balloon squad developing any kind of romantic feelings for her.

It’s not because he didn’t think she was worthy of romance, nothing like that. He was proud of his sister. She was smart, determined, rude, funny, sweet, and adorable. Of course guys should want to date her. He just… you know. In too many ways, saw his bros as extensions of himself. Like, _mi casa es tu casa_ , you know? _Mi hermana es tu hermana_.

But then, one day, something shifted.

It was just some random day, when all the guys were over. Yousef had disappeared into the kitchen for far too long, and he went in to investigate and –

_Stop flirting with my sister, man!_

_Flirting? Dude, I’m making food!_

\- And he just knew.

Even though he just rolled back into the living room like it was nothing, he was big enough to admit it. The whole thing shook him. Yousef? And Sana? His best bro? And his little sister? When did this even happen?

But the more he thought about it… the more it just made sense. How they just fit together. How happy they could make each other.

The more time stretched on, he realized that he wasn’t just okay with it. He was actually pretty ecstatic over it.

As he continued to observe them, pretending like he didn’t notice a thing – the shy smiles, the lingering gazes, and the brief, passing touches – he wondered how he could ever have been so dense. They were obviously crazy about each other.

Which, to be honest, just made everything more fun for him. Teasing the shit out of the two people he loved most in this world? Well just sign him the fuck up! It was basically his right, anyway, as an older brother -

_You like him?_

_Huh? No!_

\- To be a little shit. Even in his most serious moments.

He thought things were shifting.

Well, he was right about that. But things just shifted in the completely wrong direction. He wasn’t sure entirely what happened, exactly, that started the shift.

Suddenly, Sana wasn’t looking at Yousef at all. Yousef went on a few dates with her cute friend Noora. Sana spent more and more time in her room. And Yousef almost stopped coming by altogether.

No matter what Elias tried to do or say, both of them would just clam up. Come up with bullshit excuses about studying for exams or being too tired after work or whatever the hell they could think of. And then, when they were in the same room together, it was just a lot of awkward silences and not meeting each other’s eyes.

Weeks of this bullshit.

Literally.

Weeks.

And yes, they both had a lot of other things going on as well. He knew that. He knew that this past year was probably one of the most difficult that Sana had ever had. However, all of that was resolved now. There was literally no reason for Sana and Yousef to still have their heads stuck up their asses when it came to the two of them.

It was summer now; enough was enough.

It actually looked like they were warming up to each other – excuse the pun – again. Staying in the kitchen together for more than a few seconds. Laughing at Elias and making snarky comments whenever he did something goofy. Tentative smiles again.

Which was great, he knew.

But damn, if they weren’t moving so fucking slow.

Elias knew, from the bottom of his heart, that they still had feelings for each other! Even when they were avoiding one another, he knew something was there. And now, he was just so damn sick of watching them slowly circle around each other.

Back to square one.

No – back to square zero.

Because they both were miserable as fuck about it. He just knew that they were. When it could all just change, if they just, you know, communicated with one another. It would work out fine. Better than fine.

So yeah, Elias was supposedly the clueless one?

Nah.

If anyone was clueless about this whole thing, it was Sana and Yousef.

And Elias?

Elias was fucking fed up.

 

**1.**

His first plan, he had to admit, wasn’t exactly genius. But he wasn’t sure how to get them together without looking too suspicious, so he figured, why not a party?

+++ 

Elias rapped his knuckles against Sana’s door impatiently. He barely waited for her muffled “come in” before he shoved the door open. He smiled at the sight in front of him. Sana on her bed, textbooks, her laptop, a notebook, and an assortment of pens and highlighters spread out on the comforter in front of her. There was a cup of tea on her nightstand, probably lukewarm and half-forgotten.

He pointed at her, trying to adopt a disappointed tone. “Sana. What is this.”

She glared at him. “This is studying. Maybe if you had ever done any yourself, you’d recognize what it looks like.”

He shook his head mockingly. “Sana, this is just… pathetic.”

“Seriously?” she rolled her eyes.

“Yes, seriously,” he snarked back. “It’s the summer holidays. What could you possibly need to be studying?”

“Just because I’m not in school now doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be studying,” She frowned at him. “Isak and I are still meeting up every few days to make sure we’re up to date.”

Elias gave her his least impressed look. “You should be out with friends!”

“Isak is my friend,” she smirked. “My best bud, you might say.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He stepped closer into the room. “There’s a party tomorrow night. You’re coming with me.”

“Elias-”

“We haven’t hung out in a while,” he pointed out. “And when you go off to university, who knows when I’ll see you next?”

She gave him her patented You’re Full of Shit and I Know Something’s Up look. But underneath it, a smile was blooming. He knew to work that to his advantage.

“Come on, sis,” he said. “Let’s get into a little trouble, eh?”

She rolled her eyes, lips pursed as she suppressed a smile. “Fine. But I’m bringing Isak.”

“Fine.”

“He’ll want to bring Even,” she said, staring at him.

That… would actually be cool. They had texted a bit in the past few weeks, and it would be nice to see him in person again. Really try and make an effort to fix that friendship.

“Cool.”

“And Noora.”

That… was not ideal. He was pretty sure there wasn’t anything still going on with Yousef and Noora, but he couldn’t bet on it. Elias wanted to curse, but Sana was staring down at him, a challenge in her eyes. It would look bad if he said her friend couldn’t come.

Well, it would be fine. He’d just have to keep Noora occupied to make sure nothing – no one – got in the middle of Yousef and Sana. Not this time.

Elias flashed her a grin. “Can’t wait.”

+++

Sana stood against the wall, next to Isak and Even, her arms folded over her chest. She had a can of soda clenched in one hand, tapping it gently against her elbow to the beat of the music. The apartment was dark and loud. The only brightness came from a couple of strings of lights hanging up around the room and the dim glow of cell phones. It smelled slightly like burnt popcorn, and the air was warm and humid from too many bodies in such a small space.

Isak had tried to make some small talk, but Sana could barely hear him over the music. So instead, they stood together silently. He swayed slightly against Even, throwing Sana a smile every few minutes. She always nodded back, hoping that at least he was having a good time. Noora was somewhere on the makeshift dance floor, with her brother of all people. Elias had grabbed her by the hand and led her away almost as soon as they had arrived. Noora had shrugged, wiggled her eyebrows at Sana, and followed without another word.

Sana spent most of the night trying not to stare at Yousef.

Everywhere he bounced around the room, her eyes trailed him. When he leaned over the drinks table, searching for a can of something non-alcoholic. When he went out onto the dance floor with Adam, his moves just as dorky and free as the time she had caught him in the living room. When he sat down next to a cute brunette, smiling and making conversation. When he came over to the trio and stood right in front of Sana, but only spoke to Isak and Even.

That had been especially difficult. He was too close to her, overwhelming her with how good he smelled and his infectious laughter. No matter how hard she tried, her eyes kept looking for glimpses of him. His long, skinny fingers; the sharp flash of his teeth; the cap sitting crookedly on his head; the flex of his biceps. It was like he was actually trying to kill her or something.

 Sana really, really shouldn’t have said yes to this party.

 Being around him… it made her breathless. It was amazing and miserable at the same time. She missed him; his jokes, their deep conversations, and the way he looked at her. He had made her feel… beautiful. Like she was the most important person and her opinions mattered. But, as she constantly reminded herself, that was a long time ago. And maybe all of those feelings had just been things that she had imagined. Projected her little silly crush on him, and saw things that weren’t actually going on.

After everything that had happened… she was sure of this. And there was no point in trying to make anything different between them. She had been too scared of falling to really do anything. And it turns out, that was the correct way to go. So to drag herself through all of that again… Foolish.

She tried not to look at his butt, and failed miserably, as he walked away to grab another drink. Beside her, Isak cleared his throat. When Sana tore her eyes away, she noticed a mischievous look in both Isak and Even’s eyes.

“Yousef’s great,” Even nodded to the music.

She shrugged.

“He’s very funny,” Isak agreed. “A nice guy.”

By what only could be divine intervention, Sana felt something vibrating in her pocket. Fumbling, she pulled it out, the sound signaling the call to prayer barely recognizable under the music. She breathed a sigh of relief. This, this was familiar and fine and would help her to clear her thoughts. Hopefully, when she came back, Isak and Even would have moved on from whatever they were thinking too.

She excused herself with a tight smile.

After going to the bathroom to perform ablution, she hunted for an empty bedroom to begin her prayer. There was one right off of the hallway; he sighed with relief and closed the door firmly behind her, making sure to lock it. She had learned from previous parties that it was a necessity, unless she wanted to keep being interrupted by unaware couples.

Like always, she felt more centered, calmer, once she was finished.

She could do this.

She squared her shoulders, and unlocked the bedroom door. She flung it open.

And ran right into Yousef. She stumbled, colliding into his chest. Her hands pressed against his abdominal muscles; she could feel everything through his thin t-shirt. His arms came around her without hesitating, fingers pressing into her upper arms.

“Oof,” he said.

She could feel the words against her sternum. Her face felt as red as the lipstick she was wearing.

“I’m – Sana -” he fumbled, releasing her before she could step out of his arms.

“Sorry,” Sana said, moving back and straightening her shoulders.

“No, I’m sorry,” he said sincerely.

Yousef bent his head slightly, stepping closer into her space. Sana didn’t want to meet his eyes, so she looked just past him. She could see her brother and Noora from here, still tearing it up on the dance floor. It was kind of cute.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, vaguely gesturing towards the doorway.

He sounded sheepish. “I was watching guard.”

Her eyes flew to his. The soft twinkle that she saw made her insides spark.

She pursed her lips. “What?”

“Isak said you came to pray,” he said hesitantly. “And I – well. I came to stand guard so no one would interrupt you.”

The sparks turned into a blaze.

She wanted to bite her lip to keep from smiling, but she also didn’t want to ruin her makeup. Her face settled into something that she knew must’ve not been very attractive. But Yousef just kept looking down at her, a tentative grin forming on his face.

“I locked the door.”

“Ah,” he said. “Of course. You’re smart that way.”

She was on the verge of flirting with him. She should stop herself now. “It’s actually just common sense.”

“Ah, maybe, maybe not,” he said. “I, for example, never thought to lock a door at a party. Back when I used to pray.”

She shrugged. “Well, it is true what they say. Common sense isn’t so common nowadays.”

He chuckled, and then pressed his hand to his heart. “Ouch. I feel as though I’ve just been insulted, but I don’t know. Maybe I wasn’t smart enough to get it.”

“Come on,” The words slipped out, as if her mouth wasn’t connected to her brain, “You’re more than just a pretty face, Yousef.”

She felt it. The air shifted immediately, and a heated look crossed over his face. He stared at her, appraisingly, her eyes caught in the bottomless depths of his. She swallowed and ducked her head down.

“Ah,” he said, voice slightly cracked, “So you finally admit it. You think I’m pretty.”

His tone was teasing, but there was something else there. Something she didn’t want to investigate. Not. At. All.

She raised her head up again, defiantly, and smirked. “I wouldn’t get too cocky. There’s millions of pretty faces out there.”

“Ah, this is true,” he said, never breaking eye contact, “And the prettiest face out there is in front of me.”

Sana swallowed. She was off-balance. She spent too much time here, in this small, dark space, with Yousef. The atmosphere must be getting to her. It must be getting to both of them.

“Dance with me?” Yousef said, voice low and tender.

Sana stared at him as he held his arms up, waiting for her to make the next move. Her mouth opened, but no noise came out. She shifted, letting the moments pass by. Yousef stood like a statue, beautiful and almost out of reach, like the David. She was in very dangerous territory. She should just smile and excuse herself. Go back to Isak and Even.

Her feet moved, and she would have sworn it was to brush past him. Instead, she stepped into his space, and gently lifted her arms up. Her hands clutched his shoulders. She felt his arms circle her waist, pulling her even closer to him. They were a hair’s breath away from each other; even though she wasn’t pressed into him, she felt like she was. The air between them was almost nonexistent.

She wasn’t even sure what song was playing in the background, though she was pretty certain it wasn’t swaying music. It wasn’t hold tightly onto your partner and stare into his soulful eyes music. But here she was, her feet barely lifting off of the ground. And here Yousef was, eyes burning right through her, a small smile gracing his beautiful face.

She didn’t know how long they stood there, barely moving to their own music.

+++

They sat next to one another on the train ride home. Sana swore she could feel the heat radiating off of him, their legs pressed up against each other. Sana leaned forward, resting her head on her palms. Yousef leaned back, stretching out his arm over the back of her seat. She didn’t dare look at him, so she glanced over at the rest of their group.

Even was standing next to the door, with Isak leaning into him. Isak looked half asleep, his head pillowed on Even’s shoulder. Elias was in the middle of some elaborate story about the party, waving his arms around, while Adam laughed. Noora nodded along, holding onto the pole. She was grasping it with both hands and leaning her torso back, keeping herself from falling through her strong grip. Every so often, Noora would interrupt Elias, correcting him. Sana couldn’t really tell, but apparently there was some couple had a dramatic break-up right next to them.

Yousef began to jiggle his leg, and Sana turned her head to look up at him.

“Got a problem?” he asked, grinning.

She rolled her eyes. “I can’t be bothered. Stop shaking your leg.”

“Why? Find it annoying?”

“Yes,” she snarked back, “I find you very annoying.”

Sana wished she could take it back the moment she said it. She was only joking, but she watched as his face shuttered for a moment. He cleared his throat, and then lifted his arm up. He rubbed his hand across the back of his cap, wiggling it back and forth on his head. Sana bit her lip, lipstick be dammed; the night was practically over, anyway.

She started to apologize. “I-”

“Wow,” he said suddenly, looking back at her and smiling again. “Now, the truth is revealed.”

She rolled her eyes, assuming he was just going to start kidding around again.

“Is that why you blocked me on Facebook?” he asked. “Because you think I’m annoying?”

Sana froze. He sounded like he was joking, but there was something else in his voice. She sat up straight, a slight frown on her face. He blinked back at her, now unsmiling.

How could she tell him that she unfriended him because he scared the shit out of her? That she liked him, so much. And that the memes he sent her made her smile, and the heart emojis he was constantly using just gave her too much hope. How could she say that she did it in the heat of the moment, scared and upset that he didn’t believe in something that meant so much to her? And that she regretted it, especially after their talk? She was just too embarrassed to add him back.

She thought about that night, walking back home from Noora’s. Playing basketball on the court and then speaking so intimately to one another. Him giving her flowers that she stuck in her hijab, a display of beauty and care for the entire world to see. Standing in front of her home, staring into one another’s eyes, unable to keep from laughing.

All of those moments - beautiful, deep, kind, funny, loving, exciting, scary - that’s what she thought about him. Not one bit of her thought that he was annoying.

But she couldn’t say any of that. And if she were smart, she wouldn’t say anything at all. She would continue to keep it to herself. Let things go, not put her directly in the path that would lead to being rejected.

“I - Yousef,” she started. “I don’t think you’re annoying. I - that was dumb. I’m sorry.”

He looked at her. Noora and Even burst into laughter. The conductor announced it was their stop next. She swallowed, waiting for him to say something else.

“I think you’re cool,” she blurted out.

She felt like a twelve year old.

But then he smiled, a genuine one, which showed off all of his teeth. “It was all the memes I was sending you then, huh? Yeah, I get it. Adam threatens to block me every other week because of that.”

She chuckled at that, and he dropped his arm back down. It rested somewhere between her seat and her back, and his hand curled, almost protectively around her shoulder. His fingers clenched slightly, and Sana felt it throughout her entire body.

They stayed like that until it was time to get off of the train.

And later, when she was in her room alone, she could still feel his hands all over her. They were like phantom weights pressing deep into her spirit. As she prepared for bed, her thoughts were stretched in a million different directions, all of them leading back to Yousef. She wanted to chastise herself, but softened a bit when she sank into her bed. This was just one night, and in the morning, things would go back to how they were. She could be gentle with herself for one night.

Her phone vibrated, and she reached for it, almost unthinkingly. She had two a new message –

_Thanks for the dance_

\- Followed by a heart emoji.

Shit.

 +++

That night, Elias received a Facebook message from Isak -

_I know what you’re doing._

_With Sana and Yousef, I mean._

Elias froze, his fingers hovering over his keyboard. Isak seemed sweet, and Elias was happy that Even was with the younger boy. But Isak was also Sana’s friend, and his loyalty was to her first. Elias wasn’t sure what this was. A confrontation? A condemnation? Elias began to type, trying to sound casual as he wrote that he had no idea what Isak was talking about.

But before he could press send, another message popped up -

_I want in. Tell me how I can help set them up._

Elias grinned.

 

**2.**

Elias wasn’t exactly sure what the next move was going to be.

It looked like the party had been a success. He had caught a glimpse of the two of them talking, it looked pretty intimately, a few times during the night.

He and Isak traded a few ideas back and forth; Isak had even mentioned a couple that Even had suggested. But they were stumped, because they all agreed the next meeting should seem more casual. Accidental, even.

The fates seemed to align for them.

Because before he could come up with anything new, the next move fell right into his lap.

+++

Elias stretched out on the couch, shifting his laptop closer to his stomach. The bottom of the machine was growing hotter by the minute; it was making him uncomfortable. He could feel the burn even through the hoodie he had on. He would have to put it down and give editing videos a rest soon. Just as well; he was supposed to meet the guys at the gym pretty soon anyway.

From his position, he could hear Sana and Jamilla laughing from the kitchen. Music floated through the open entryway. There was a muffled voice, and then a loud screech. Elias smiled.

The sound of the front door opening broke through the noise, and then it slammed shut again.

“Hello!” Yousef’s voice rang through the living room.

Elias lazily pushed himself up into a sitting position as Yousef strolled into the room, dressed in his workout gear. His hair was pulled back with a bandana, and he had a slight sheen of sweat across his face and arms. Elias watched as he threw himself onto the floor, panting slightly.

Elias shoved at his head. “Aren’t we meeting at the gym?”

Yousef shrugged. “Thought we could go together.”

“Your place is closer to the gym,” Elias said.

Yousef said, “I - you know, thought I’d get a stretch in beforehand by running here first.”

“Right,” Elias said, trying not to laugh. “There’s no other reason why you’d want to be here.”

Yousef shrugged again, and Elias grinned at the back of his head. He watched as his friend fidgeted, like he was discreetly trying to look around the apartment without being too obvious. Sana’s laugh rang through the room again, and Yousef sat up straight, as if on autopilot.

“What’s up, man?” Elias asked.

“Nothing, nothing,” Yousef said.

Elias tried to hide his laugh with a cough. He focused back on the screen in front of him.

“I got some more editing to do,” he said as lazily as he could, “and we can get going in fifteen.”

“I think – I think I’m just gonna get a drink,” Yousef said, suddenly standing up.

He was staring at Elias like he needed permission. Elias bit on the inside of his cheek and made a vague “go do you” gesture.

+++           

“You alright?” Jamilla asked.

The two of them sat at the kitchen table, a couple of medical textbooks strewn between them. There were two half-drunken cups of tea and a platter of vegetables and dip pushed to the side. Sana forced herself not to turn around as she heard Yousef’s voice from the living room.

“Sana?”

“Hmm?” Sana asked, blinking up at Jamilla. Jamilla’s eyebrows were furrowed, a look of concern clear on her face.

“I just asked if you were alright.”

Heavy footsteps came into the kitchen. They hesitated, and then walked behind Sana towards the fridge. Sana swore that she felt the air warm and cotton and mesh almost brushed against her back. The fridge opened.

“Sana!”

“What?” Sana shook her head, trying not to be completely aware of Yousef behind her, rummaging around the fridge.

“You’ve been spacing out for the past few minutes,” Jamilla said, gesturing towards the books between them. “You haven’t asked any questions since-”

Sana watched, dread growing in her stomach, as Jamilla cut herself off. A look of understanding dawned on her face, and her eyes flitted towards the fridge. Sana could only assume Yousef was still standing there as a slow, sly grin stretched across Jamilla’s face.

Sana cleared her throat. “Sorry, I’m focused.”

“No, it’s fine,” Jamilla said. “Maybe we should move onto something else. Anatomy?”

Sana almost choked on her spit. Behind her, the fridge door slammed a little too hard. The footsteps walked back towards the living room, and she tried not to breathe a too-obvious sigh of relief. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Yousef since the party, and she was more nervous than ever before. She couldn’t stop thinking about him and his stupid arms around her and his stupid musky cologne and his stupid heart emoji.

“Or maybe you just need a break,” Jamilla said. Her eyes sparkled.

Before Sana could respond, the footsteps were coming back towards her. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see a pair of black basketball shorts.

“Do you mind?” Yousef asked. “I’m hungry.”

She refused to look at him, so she just waved her hand at the vegetable platter. But she couldn’t stop herself from noticing as his long, elegant fingers skipped right over the celery and tomatoes and grabbed a carrot slice. She flushed.

“Do you cut these yourself?” he asked.

Sana could hear the teasing in his voice. She nodded her head and pointedly looked down at the textbook in front of her. Through her eyelashes, she saw Jamilla’s calculating look.

“Yes, that was all Sana,” Jamilla said.

“Oh, I could tell,” Yousef replied.

Jamilla leaned forward, her smile sharp. “How?”

Yousef’s voice was laughing. “She cuts like she peels. Horribly.”

Sana took the bait, and turned to glare up at Yousef. He seemed startled at first, a slight blush creeping up his neck and cheeks. But then he smiled back at her, something slow and intimate.

“I’m great at cutting,” she said.

“I don’t know,” he scratched his chin in mock-thought. “I think you need more lessons.”

“Is that so?”

He nodded seriously. “How do you think you’ll get a job as a surgeon if you can’t even chop carrots properly?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Ah yes. And who will teach me? You?”

“If I must,” he sighed as if it were a great burden.

“How kind of you,” Sana said wryly. “I forgot that chopping and peeling for children made you the expert. My future patients will all have you to thank.”

Yousef inclined his head slightly, a lock of hair falling over his face. Sana yearned to brush it back. She wanted to stand up and run her fingers through his hair, scratching gently at his scalp. Feel the shortness of his shaved undercut against her fingertips.

She realized she was staring only after she heard Jamilla’s subtle cough. Sana’s eyes shifted, and she smiled absently at a spot near Yousef’s ear, before turning back towards the textbooks on the table. She didn’t miss the knowing smirk on the older woman’s face. Sana raised one eyebrow, looking down at her notebook.

Footsteps entered the kitchen.

“I thought you were just getting something to drink,” Elias said.

Sana looked up. Her brother was leaning against the table, smirking. She saw him exchange a look with Yousef that she couldn’t quite read. Yousef lifted his glass up, almost in a toast.

“Huh,” Elias folded his arms over his chest. “How come every time you come in here to get a drink, you end up flirting with my sister?”

Sana wanted to smack him upside the head. She rolled her eyes, but saw Jamilla’s face light up with glee. There was a pregnant pause.

“You ready to go to the gym or what?” Yousef finally asked, gently placing his glass next to Sana’s arm.

Jamilla sounded disappointed. “You guys are leaving?”

Elias turned towards her. “Bros time at the gym.”

“Well, see you later, Elias,” Sana said curtly. “Jamilla? Let’s get back to it?”

Jamilla looked at her for a few moments, and then smiled. “Actually, I was thinking we could use a break. Get some tea.”

Sana glared back at her. “There’s tea here. Why don’t I make us some more-”

“I know this great cafe that I’m pretty sure is on the way to your gym,” Jamilla interrupted, staring up at Elias. “Why don’t we all walk together?”

Sana had no idea what Jamilla was doing, but she didn’t like it. Not one bit.

“What a wonderful idea,” Elias said, clapping his hands together.

Sana didn’t dare look up at Yousef. She pursed her lips at Jamilla and tilted her head. She searched the woman’s face, seeing nothing but pure glee. Sana wanted to ask her exactly what she thought she was doing, but couldn’t, not with Yousef and Elias standing there. She kicked a foot out, aiming for Jamilla’s shin, but rammed it against a chair leg instead. She winced slightly, trying not to be too obvious.

Jamilla said, “Yes. And you’ve been so distracted anyway, Sana. I think a break from studying is exactly what you need.”

“No,” Sana said adamantly.

“Nurse’s orders,” Jamilla smiled.

A wave of pettiness washed over Sana, and she wanted to point that Jamilla wasn’t a nurse yet. But Elias clapped her on the shoulder and repeated that it sounded like a wonderful idea.

“Let me just grab my bag from your room, Sana,” Jamilla said, rising from the table.

“Yeah, I gotta change into my gym sneakers,” Elias added.

They left the kitchen together. Sana remained seated, flushing down at her notebook. In her periphery, she noticed Yousef shift from one foot to the other. He cleared his throat.

“I’ll just - wait outside, then,” Sana blurted out.

“Let me wait with you,” Yousef said quickly.

No, Sana wanted to say. I need some space to remember how to breathe, without being clouded by everything that is just you.

“Okay,” was what she said instead.

His slow, easy smile came back. Her heart stuttered, and she glanced back down quickly, trying to focus on getting her body out of the chair and out of the door. She called to Jamilla and Elias that she and Yousef would be standing outside, and made her way through the house. Yousef followed her like a shadow.

It was bright and warm outside. Sana wished that she had brought sunglasses. It would have been the perfect cover. She would be able to turn her head one way, but discreetly watch Yousef. They stood a few feet away from one another on the sidewalk. He closed his eyes and turned his face towards the sun, absent-mindedly rubbing at his ribcage. Sana pretended that the small movement wasn’t killing her.

“It was nice to see Even,” Yousef said finally. “At the party, the other night.”

Sana’s heart pounded in her chest as she stared at the side of his face. “He was glad to see you too.”

“I’m gonna see him this weekend,” Yousef said. “He’s going hang out to film a new Hei Briskeby video.”

Sana smiled. “That’s great.”

“You know, he told me you’d been encouraging him to reach out to us,” Yousef said.

“Yeah.”

“And Elias told me you’ve said similar things to him.”

Sana wondered where this was going. “Yeah?”

“You didn’t have to do any of that,” he said.

Sana shrugged, even though his eyes were still closed. “I didn’t really do anything.”

“You were the one who brought us back together. That’s important.”

Sana said, “Friendships like yours are important. It was sad to see it just… break. Over something that could easily be fixed.”

Yousef turned towards her then, opening his eyes. His gaze pierced her. “Easily fixed?”

“I… did something similar to Even, this year. I was overwhelmed by… a lot. And I isolated myself from my friends.” She looked away from him and swallowed. “Cut myself off from a lot of important people.”

You, she wanted to say. Cut myself off from you. She could feel Yousef’s intense stare.

“But my friends… my girls… they didn’t let me get away with doing that.” Sana said. “And I realized that trying to separate from them only made it worst. Being alone wasn’t the right answer.”

“No,” he said softly, agreeing.

“So I… I knew a little of how Even must have been feeling,” she said. “I was lucky enough to have friends who pushed back at me. And I thought, well. Maybe I can be that kind of friend for him. Help him to get his squad back.”

“Sana,” Yousef said.

She didn’t want to hear him say her name like that. Soft, like a caress. Reverent, like a prayer.

“Besides, I knew none of you numskulls would do it first,” she said cheekily, smiling at the spot between his eyebrows. “All of you boys combined have the emotional intelligence of one teaspoon.”

He laughed, but it was slightly reserved. When her eyes dropped to his, she saw there was a mixture of humor and seriousness in them.

“You downplay it, but it meant a lot, to all of us,” Yousef said. “To me.”

Sana gulped. “You’re welcome.”

“You’re very kind,” he said.

He took a step towards her, hesitating slightly.

“I… I knew a little about what happened, with your friends,” he said. “Noora, she… she talked to me, about...”

He paused, just as Sana felt all the blood rushing to her head. Her ears started ringing slightly, and her heart dropped into her stomach. She felt her jaw clench slightly, but refused to drop her gaze again. Her muscles tenses, and something inside of her was squeezing painfully. This, she definitely did not want to hear.

“They’re lucky to have a friend like you,” he said.

Sana smiled tightly, and lost her own battle. She glanced down, staring at an invisible spot on his shirt.

“Will you look at me?” he pleaded, softly.

Sana sighed, and raised her eyes again.

“I-”

“There you two are!” Elias’s voice rang out.

Sana jumped slightly, and turned her head away. Elias and Jamilla were coming out of the building, both of them smirking at her.

“Yes, her we are,” Sana said, her voice shaking more than she would’ve liked. “And what exactly took you two so long? We could have been to the cafe and back already.”

“Yeah,” Yousef cleared his throat. “The guys must be finished with their workout by now.”

Sana didn’t miss the look Jamilla and Elias gave each other before walking out onto the sidewalk. The pair rambled out a list of excuses before strolling down the street, chatting amicably with one another and leaving Yousef and Sana behind.

Sana glared at the backs of their heads, and began to follow them down the road. Yousef fell into step behind her.

“I-” he began again, and she could feel it, his eyes on her. “I was just going to say...”

“Yes?”

“I’m…”

They walked in silence, and Sana felt her shoulders tense. Her heart was pounding. She didn’t turn her head to look at him, but she could see him biting his bottom lip, staring at the side of her face. They were so close that their hands almost brushed as they walked.

“Never mind.”

Her shoulders dropped. She pushed her hands into her pockets.

+++

They were halfway to the gym before Yousef spoke again. Jamilla and Elias were still half a block in front of them, laughing and talking about something or the other.

“You know what I like best about working with kindergarteners?” he asked her.

Sana furrowed her brow. “No?”

Yousef didn’t look at her when he responded, “The kids. They’re so honest. Straight forward. They haven’t really learned to hide their emotions yet.”

Sana pointed out, “But that’s why their feelings are always hurt, no? They don’t know how to protect themselves.”

Yousef inclined his head. “So you think protecting yourself is more important than being honest?”

"I-” Sana hesitated, and thought of her friends. “Sometimes.”

Yousef shook his head, smiling. “It’s so easy to say sometimes. It just gives you an out.”

“But it’s true!” Sana said. “Sometimes - look. I think part of growing up is knowing when to be honest with your feelings and when to keep them inside. Not only to protect yourself, but other people too. Sometimes acting on our emotions just leads to problems.”

“Ah, but maybe if we all communicated openly, like five year olds, there’d be a lot less conflict.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” Sana pointed out. “You know… remember, outside of the karaoke place, when Elias and Isak...”

“Yeah.”

“Isak told me what happened first,” Sana said. “He threw the first punch because he was being too emotional. Acting very much like a child instead of stopping to think first, keeping it inside.”

Yousef hesitated. “But… you know... ”

“What?”

“He messaged Elias, afterwards,” Yousef admitted. “And said he only did it because he was jealous.”

“That proves my point.”

“And he was only jealous because that was something Even had never talked about with him,” Yousef said. “So. Communication.”

Sana shrugged. “Okay, yes. But… I don’t know. Do you really think everyone should just blurt out everything they’re feeling all the time?”

Yousef grinned. “Sometimes.”

Sana rolled her eyes, and she asked him something she had been thinking about for a while.

“Yousef?”

“Hmm?”

“When the fight broke out… why did you come and get me?” she asked. “All of you guys could’ve easily pulled Isak and Elias off of each other.”

Yousef smiled wryly. “Ah. This is ironic.”

"What?”

"It’s because I knew you’d keep a cool head,” Yousef said. “You’re tough. Not like those guys think they’re tough, throwing fists around. You’re actually tough.”

“Ah,” Sana laughed. “So you got me precisely because I wasn’t acting like a five year old. Is that where your 'sometimes' fits in?”

Yousef looked down at her and smiled.

+++

 On their walk to the gym, Jamilla cut her eyes at Elias. There was laughter in her voice as she leaned closer towards him and spoke quietly.

“Your idea is a good one,” she said. “But your plan is lacking structure and direction.”

“It’s barely a plan at this point,” Elias admitted.

“You have to think more about what they both like, and how that will help push them together, I think,” Jamilla said.

“I agree.”

“She’s your sister, so you know her pretty well,” Jamilla said. “But I know her too. I can help, if you want.”

Elias grinned. “Two other friends are also helping.”

Jamilla laughed. “Ah. So you’re forming a whole committee, huh?”

Rather than feel overwhelmed, Elias felt nothing but pure humor. “I guess so, yes.”

Jamilla said, “well, great minds do think alike. I’m sure we can all come up with something good.”

“I’ll make a private Facebook group and invite you,” Elias said.

 

**3.**

Jamilla came up with the next plan, and Elias thought it was a genius. She explained that it was one of her favorite schemes. Even was worried that it might be too much out of a romantic comedy and be totally obvious, but he was out-voted.

Isak would make plans with Sana to meet at her favorite cafe. Elias and Yousef would casually stroll by as she was waiting, and keep her company for a bit. Elias would then go on to another engagement, leaving Yousef with Sana; Yousef, they knew, would insist on waiting with her. Then, Isak would text Sana that he had an emergency and wouldn’t be able to make it.

The night before the meeting, Isak sent a message to the group -

_The plan is a go. We’re “meeting” at two._

Elias sent back three thumbs up.

+++

As Elias and Yousef strolled down the street, Elias could barely contain his glee. He grinned at everyone who passed by them, and by the looks on their faces, he probably looked manic. Yousef kept shooting him confused looks, but said nothing.

Elias checked his phone for the time. They were right where they were supposed to be. Sana should have already made it to the cafe, settled and waiting for Isak.

“I still have another hour,” he said smoothly. “You feel like stopping somewhere for a coffee?”

He hadn’t even put much effort into this lie. He just asked Yousef to hang for a few hours, check out a couple of shops on the other side of town. Then he claimed to be meeting an old teacher in a restaurant near Yousef’s place, and suggested they walk there together. When Yousef raised his eyebrows and asked why, Elias had just shrugged, pretended it was something about having a mentor-mentee talk about getting a job during his gap period.

They crossed the street. The cafe was on the opposite corner.

Yousef tugged on the brim of his cap and said, “Don’t you think it’s too hot for coffee?”

“Iced coffee then, man,” Elias said. “Here, this looks good.”

Elias pointed to the cafe. There was only one empty table outside, but he didn’t see Sana anywhere. Maybe she was still in line, or decided to sit inside to get out of the heat.

“Okay,” Yousef said, sounding doubtful.

Elias just grinned at him and pulled him into the shop.

The smile fell off his face as they entered and Sana was nowhere to be seen. As Yousef looked over the chalkboard menu behind the counter, he pulled out his phone and sent a few messages to the group as discreetly as possible -

_Just showed up_

_No Sana_

_Isak_

_Did she say she was going to be late?_

Elias calmly slid his phone back into his pocket, and then stepped up to order. He ended up getting some kind of smoothie that looked okay enough, with strawberries and bananas. He felt a vibration in his pocket after he paid. As Yousef ordered, Elias meandered back outside, and plopped down at the only empty table. He set his smoothie down, and pulled his phone back out his pocket. Some messages from Isak-

I _just texted her to ask where she was_

_And said I was running a bit late_

_She said that was fine, she was a few minutes away but is headed over now_

Elias placed his phone screen-down as Yousef came out the cafe with an iced coffee. As he sat, Elias noticed a pair of girls smiling at them. Elias hesitated for a moment. They were really cute, but he didn’t want to smile back and encourage them to move tables. Cursing to himself, he stared back at them with a blank expression before turning to Yousef. Another time, he reminded himself sadly.

“Offer’s still open to get you a spot in the school for summer camp,” Yousef said, taking a sip of his coffee. “It could turn into a full-time position, come the fall-”

Elias cut him off. “Thanks, but I already told you no thanks. Children are cute and all but working with them, that’s your thing.”

Yousef smiled. “Okay, okay.”

“I appreciate it though, bro.”

“Yeah, but don’t forget, next week you promised to help out with the summer carnival,” Yousef said.

Elias groaned. The whole balloon squad had made a deal to volunteer to work at Yousef’s school for some street fair they were hosting for the children. Elias was pretty sure he signed up to moderate horseshoes or hopscotch or karaoke something.

“I’ll be there,” Elias said. “Anything for the kids, I guess.”

Yousef opened his mouth to say something, but then froze. He was staring over Elias’s shoulder.

“I promise, I won’t complain once I’m there,” Elias said.

“I - what?” Yousef asked. His eyes snapped back to Elias.

Elias turned around in his chair, and had to hide the grin that sprang to his face. Sana was walking down the street towards them. Her eyes were narrowed at them, like she was trying to figure out exactly why he and Yousef were sitting there. Elias nodded his head at her with a smirk.

And then realized that two of her friends, Vilde and Chris, were walking right behind her, chatting and laughing.

Fuck. He’d have to think fast for this one.

Sana marched up to the table, and put one hand on her hip. She raised an eyebrow.

+++

Sana couldn’t believe the sight in front of her. Yousef and Elias, just sitting outside her favorite cafe, as if they owned the place. What were they even doing in this part of the city? She stared straight at her brother, ignoring Vilde’s and Chris’s giggles behind her. She didn’t allow herself to look at Yousef, whom she was sure looked as beautiful and sweet as usual. Bastard.

“What are you doing here?” she demanded.

Elias gave her an offended look that she was sure was fake. “Hello to you too.”

Vilde pushed past her to sit down at the table. “Hi!”

Chris shrugged and sat down as well, leaving only one empty chair. Which, of course, was next to Yousef.

Elias turned to the girls, a charming smile on his face. “Good afternoon, ladies.”

Sana ground out, “that’s not an answer.”

“We’re just out here, enjoying a beverage,” Elias said, shooting her a wounded look. “What, two friends can’t just hang out?”

“I meant, why are you here, at this cafe?” she asked.

“So rude,” Elias said. “You treat all your friends this way?”

“You’re not my friend, you’re my brother,” Sana pointed out, at the same time that Vilde cackled out, “yes!”

Sana gave them an unimpressed look.

Chris said helpfully, “Sana said she was meeting Isak here, and Vilde and I decided to tag along.”

“It’s been kinda boring, this summer,” Vilde said.

Sana turned her head slightly to look at Yousef, who was staring right at her. He was slowly sipping whatever he had in his cup. His bare arms looked tan, and she thought she saw him flex his muscles. They glistened slightly in the summer sun. Her eyes trailed up, towards his neck. She pushed down the thought that yelled at her to lean in and press an open-mouth kiss to the skin there.

She flushed, and then noticed that Yousef was staring back at her. When she caught his eyes, he blinked slowly, and then smiled. For a moment, all coherent thoughts flew out of her head.

“-Please, Sana?” Vilde said.

Sana slowly dragged her eyes away to see Vilde staring at her with a slight pout.

“Yes,” Sana said unthinkingly.

“Oh, thank you,” Vilde said, outstretching her hand. “Now that I’m sitting down, I really don’t want to get back up.”

What?

Chris reached out as well, shoving some money into Sana’s palm. Almost robotically, Sana moved forward, taking money from Vilde as well.

“I’ll just have a regular iced tea, but make it super sweet please,” Vilde said.

Chris smiled up at Sana. “You know how I like my coffee.”

It finally dawned on Sana that while she wasn’t paying attention, she agreed to get everyone drinks. She shoved their money into her pants pocket.

“Yes, yes,” she said, absentmindedly.

Yousef jumped up from his seat. “I’ll help you.”

She was going to insist that wasn’t necessary; but he all but ran to the door, holding it open for her. Her heart melted, and she couldn’t stop the smile that bloomed across her face as she thanked him. There was a bit of a line, so they stood close together, staring up at the chalkboard.

“Where’s the rest of your squad?” Yousef asked.

Sana’s heart sank, and she closed her eyes for a moment. She knew he wasn’t asking about Eva. She dry-swallowed the lump growing in her throat, and tried to push away all of the insecurities that told her that her best friend was sweeter, prettier, and just better than she was.

She still hadn’t talked to Noora, or any of the girls, about Yousef, and it was better that way. As much more open as she was being with them, and as much growth and happiness that had led to, she just couldn’t talk to them about him. Not about how he made her feel. Not about how much she wanted him. About how she thought about him every day, replayed all of their interactions over and over in her head. About how much she berated herself for falling for someone like him. Someone too sweet, too cute, too much of everything that would never want her. About how just thinking about him and Noora made it so that she couldn’t breathe.

She didn’t know, exactly, what happened between them. Just that they definitely kissed and they definitely went out a few times. Noora had tried to talk to her, but she shut it down really quickly. Tried to couch it in a way that said she just wasn’t as obsessed with boys as the rest of them. Tried to ignore Noora’s hurt looks and bitten lips and desolate sighs.

So no, she didn’t talk to her friends about him. And she sure as hell didn’t want to talk to him about Noora to him.

“Noora couldn’t make it,” Sana said, stepping away from him.

Yousef moved right back into her space. “And Eva? How is she?”

“Fine.” Sana wondered why he was pretending to care. “What about the rest of the guys?”

Yousef waved a hand. “Here and there. We’re all meeting up tomorrow, to shoot another video.”

That made Sana smile for real. “I’m sure all your adoring fans can’t wait.”

“Like you’re not one of them?” he teased. “Come on, I know you subscribe.”

“Sisterly duty,” she said.

“Oh really?”

She nodded, lips curled into a smirk. They moved up in line, and Yousef stepped slightly in front of her. They were up next.

He nodded towards the board. “What are you thinking about getting?”

She pointed towards one of their fruity iced teas, with slices of mangoes and peaches. “That looks good. Don’t you think?”

“Yes,” he said. “I love peaches.”

The person in front of them got their order and moved away. Before Sana could step up, Yousef stood in front of the barista. He glanced down at her, smiling, before ordering the drink she had pointed out.

“Stealing my order?” Sana asked.

Yousef stared ahead as he counted out the total and handed his money to the barista. “Something like that.”

Sana pursed her lips. “Something like that?”

Yousef didn’t respond, and just hummed some random tune while they waited for the iced tea. Sana took a moment to admire his forearms when he reached over the counter to take it from the barista.

“Something like that,” Yousef repeated, smiling.

He turned and handed the drink right to Sana. She blinked at him in surprise.

“This is where you take it, and then order for your friends,” Yousef said.

Sana’s heart stuttered, but she reached out for the drink. Their fingertips brushed together, a warm heat against the icy, plastic cup. Sana felt her mouth go dry, but dragged her eyes away from Yousef. With a strained voice, she ordered for Vilde and Eva. Her hand clutched at her drink so tightly she was worried the lid would pop off. She tried not to look at Yousef as they waited, but spared a few glances. Each time, she saw him staring at her with a soft smile on his face.

When they stepped back outside, Vilde, Chris, and Elias were bent over the table, as if they were holding some kind of conference. Sana and Yousef stood in the doorway for a moment, watching them.

“What’s going on?” Sana asked.

The three of them popped up. Chris looked slightly guilty; Vilde made a bizarre shrieking noise. Elias just stared back at her with a goofy smile on his face. He stretched, exposing some of his stomach. Sana rolled her eyes as both Chris and Vilde leaned forward again to stare. Vilde let out a content sigh.

Yousef coughed, and placed Vilde’s drink down in front of her before sitting. Sana followed suit, dropping her friends’ change on the table.

“You’re acting weird,” she commented, taking a sip of her iced tea.

Chris shrugged back at her, and Vilde exclaimed that they weren’t. Both of their phones chimed in unison; they shot one another a look. Vilde pulled her phone up and stared at the screen immediately, but Chris slid hers back into her bag.

Elias leaned forward, smiling. “The girls are in for the summer carnival, Yousef.”

Sana glanced at Yousef, who began to smile. “Really?”

“Yes, I love little kids!” Vilde said.

Sana asked, “summer carnival?”

“We put one on every year for the kids in summer school,” Yousef explained. “We’re a little short-staffed this year, so I asked the guys who help out.”

“And I asked your girls to volunteer too,” Elias said. “And they said yes.”

“Sana,” Chris smiled, “You can do face painting or tye-dying.”

“I never agreed to this!” Sana said.

“Come on! It’s for the babies!” said Vilde.

“No, it’s fine,” Yousef smirked at her. “Sana doesn’t like children. She doesn’t have to volunteer.”

“I like children just fine!” she said, a bit desperately.

“Ah, ah, see? Just fine,” Yousef said. “That’s not the same thing as actually liking.”

Sana tried to hide her smile. “You’re the one who wants one extra, just in case another one gets hurt. What kind of dad would you be, huh? Just rotating your injured kids out.”

Yousef placed his hand over his heart. “That really hurts, you know.”

"I bet,” Sana smirked.

"It does. Just because I’m thinking ahead doesn’t mean I want one of our kids to get hurt,” he said.

Sana’s mouth dropped open slightly, and the laughter that was bubbling up in her chest swiftly died. She watched a few emotions flick over Yousef’s face as he flushed, realizing what he just said. Chris and Vilde began to snicker.

"I’m not ready to be an uncle yet,” Elias said, shooting Sana a shit-eating grin.

"I...” Yousef swallowed. “I didn’t mean, you know, our. I meant our. Everyone’s children. The whole league of children football players. You know. Collective our. Not. Not you and me. Uhm. Sana.”

Sana tried her best not to stutter. “Like I would ever let my children play in the same league as yours! I’ve played basketball with you, you’d probably encourage your kids to cheat!”

“I’ve never cheated!”

Sana laughed in his face, missing the smirk Vilde, Chris, and Elias sent one another. Elias stretched again, and got up from his chair.

"I better get going,” he said, nodding at everyone. “You know, meeting my mentor and all.”

Sana frowned. “Since when do you have a mentor?”

Elias snapped back, “Since today.”

Vilde nudged Chris. “We better get going, too.”

Sana said, “Wait, what?”

Casually Chris took a sip of her drink. “Oh, while you were inside, I got a call from my mom. She wants me to meet her at the shops, pick up some groceries.”

“I gotta pick up some stuff too, so I’m gonna tag along,” Vilde said. “Get a ride home.”

Sana raised an eyebrow. “You? Grocery shop?”

Vilde flipped her hair, but said nothing. She and Chris rose from the table.

"You should stay here,” Chris said. “Isak hasn’t even gotten here yet.”

Sana had completely forgotten they were supposed to meet Isak.

"Oh, right,” she said. “I should text him.”

"I’ll wait with you,” Yousef offered. “Until he gets here.”

The words slipped out of Sana’s mouth. “You can stay, you know. Hang out with us.”

Yousef smiled at her. “Okay.” 

+++

An hour later, Sana checked her phone. She narrowed her eyes at the latest message she received from Isak.

“Isak isn’t coming,” she told Yousef. “He said he got caught up with something and wants to rain check it.”

Yousef was eating a scone. Both he and Sana had gotten refills of their drinks and ordered some sweets while they waited. Yousef had paid again, smoothly shaking his head and refusing to let Sana pay him back. She had picked at her muffin, blushing the entire time, and not really sure what to make of it.

Yousef chewed thoughtfully. “Do you want to get going, then?”

Sana surprised herself when she shook her head no. “Let’s sit a while longer.”

She wondered why she loved to torture herself so much. She watched as Yousef took another bite, eyeing his throat as he swallowed. His Adam’s apple bobbed, and she told herself to calm down. It was just a neck.

"Were you meeting up to study?” he asked.

She tore her eyes away. “No, just to hang out. I’m going to take a small break over the next few days. Jamilla was helping me out, you know, and I just need some time to process it all.”

“I’m sure you’re already all processed,” he said, sounding a little proud. “And that’s really code for doing revisions.”

"Are you making fun of me?” she grinned.

He hummed. “You are giving yourself schoolwork in the summer.”

"I just need to make sure I’m on track,” Sana said.

“Is there any doubt that you aren’t?”

Sana rolled her eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with taking school seriously.”

Yousef backtracked. “I agree. I just… this past semester, you seemed really stressed. Some days… I would see you and… you would just have your head buried in a textbook.”

Sana’s mouth went very dry. She took a sip of her drink in order to give her body something to do. Yousef kept his eyes on her, tracking her movements. She definitely didn’t want to talk about why she had been ignoring him. But it was true; she took her studying very seriously. She paused for a moment, and decided to tell him a half-truth, one that ignored why she had been acting so strangely to him and her girls.

“I want to be a surgeon, like my dad. But it’s twice as hard for women, and thrice as hard for Muslim women, to get into the field. Not because we’re not smart enough. But because we have so much more to prove.”

Yousef inclined his head. Sana took that as a sign to keep on talking.

"You know… when I visit my dad at work, the Norwegian women doctors and nurses… it doesn’t look like they get much respect. Male patients try to talk all over them, and other male doctors try to act smarter than them,” Sana said. “And when my dad comes home, I hear him tell my mom similar things. About his own experience.”

"What do you mean?”

“When he’s not in his scrubs, patients assume he’s the janitor, or the electrician,” Sana said. “And when he is in his scrubs, they… sometimes patients demand to have another doctor. A Norwegian one. Or they make fun of his accent behind his back, assuming he can’t understand them very well. They make fun of his name. Ask him questions about if being Muslim will affect his work.”

Yousef sighed and nodded, like he knew exactly what she was talking about.

“And there’s nothing wrong with being the janitor or the electrician. But the assumptions that people make… the racist things they think...” Sana stopped herself. “I know it’s not all Norwegians, but...”

Yousef watched her for a moment, and then shook his head. “It’s okay. I get it, you don’t have to modify it for me.”

Sana tried to smile at him; Yousef smiled back at her encouragingly. She was having trouble getting the words out, because the only other person she had ever talked to about this was Jamilla.

“So with all of that, I can only imagine how hard it will be for me,” Sana said. “So I know I have to push myself, so that even if they make remarks, my work will do all of the talking so I won’t have to.”

“There’s my tough girl.” Yousef smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Can I ask, why do you want to do surgery specifically?”

Sana felt herself heat all over, and she wondered if Yousef even comprehended what he had just said. Twice, in one conversation, he had said something like this. But when she cut her eyes towards him, he just continued eating like it was nothing. She tried to push her feelings down, but they just sprang back up. Emotions were flooding through her. She should have left when he first suggested it. No. She should have never sat down in the first place. He was confusing her and making her heart swell.

“I - I’ve always been interested in it,” she managed to say. “I like the idea of being able to fix what’s wrong with someone. And with being a doctor… or surgery, at least… when it comes down to it, it’s simple. Cut them open, fix what’s wrong, sew them back up.”

He said, “I like that.”

She had to bite down on her tongue to stop herself from admitting that she liked him.

+++

Later that night, Elias got a notification on his phone. It was a request from Chris, asking permission to add Noora and Eva to the Facebook group. He hesitated, trying to weigh the options out. As soon as Yousef and Sana had gone into the cafe, leaving him alone with Vilde and Chris, he spilled the beans on his plan. He realized, belatedly, maybe it was dumb to have not included them in the first place.

But on the other hand, he was worried that one of them might accidently message Sana or let something slip. Isak and Even were pretty private; he now trusted Isak to be able to keep this secret. And Jamilla was older, mature; he knew she was keeping her lips sealed. Besides, who would she tell?

But Sana’s squad, he was pretty sure they told each other everything. Even with Vilde and Chris swearing they would stay quiet, they giggled through the whole thing, so he was putting a lot of faith in them. Also, he just didn’t know where things stood with Noora and Yousef. They hadn’t gone on any more dates, and Yousef just made non-committal comments whenever the guys ribbed him about it.

As he stood there, thumb hovering above the accept button, his phone started to ring. It was from an unknown number.

“Hello?”

The voice was hesitant. “Elias? This is Noora? Sana’s friend.”

This was a surprise. “Hi.”

"Listen,” she said, bluntly, “I’m Team Sana.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. “Okay-”

"I support her one hundred percent, and I listen to what she actually wants,” Noora said.

Elias got a creeping feeling running up his spine. “I do too.”

"Right. And I want what’s best for her,” Noora said. “I’m on board with what she wants.”

“What is this about?”

“Are you sure your plan is a good one?” she asked. “Are you sure that Sana actually wants to be with Yousef?”

Elias said, “I-”

“She has told me, multiple times, that she doesn’t like him. That just because I think someone’s cute doesn’t mean everyone else does. That I’m reading into things,” Noora said. “Obviously, I don’t believe that.”

“Well-”

“But just because she likes him, that doesn't mean she wants to be with him, does it?”

Elias paused -

 _Don’t worry. I’m over him_.

\- And said nothing.

“Exactly.” she sighed.

Elias shrugged, even though Noora couldn’t see him. “I’ve seen how she looks at him, and despite what she says, there’s something there. Sana is a private person. She barely shows how she’s really feeling to me. But I know she wants to be with him.”

“Okay, but if she wanted to be with him, wouldn’t she have tried already? Even Yousef has wondered that.”

That made Elias pause. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not like we talked about it a lot. In fact, he kind of… avoided talking about Sana at all. But a few times, he did… ask if I thought she was mad at him. Like, she kept avoiding him. And unfriended him on Facebook for no reason.” Noora sighed, like she wasn’t sure she should be telling him this. “I feel… I know he likes her a lot. Romantically. That’s part of the reason why it didn’t work out with us. And I want Sana to be happy. With someone or not. But I really don’t know if she wants to be with Yousef.”

“Have you talked to Sana about all this?”

Noora’s voice quieted. “No. She won’t speak to me about Yousef.”

“Sana is too nice.” Elias sighed. “Look. I really believe they want to be together. But Sana… she’s always putting other people first. She’s never really been good at acting on her own emotions. And especially after everything that went down, I think she’s trying to censor herself. She...”

Noora sighed too. “Sana doesn’t really think she deserves nice things?”

Elias nodded to his empty room. “Yes. So… look. We know they like each other. But Yousef is not a mind reader, and Sana is too hesitant. What I’m doing here is just trying to give them a push towards each other. Shouldn’t we help them figure some stuff out? And then they can do whatever they like on their own.”

For a few moments, the only thing Elias could hear on the other end was the sound of Noora breathing.

“Okay,” she said finally. “I am on board.”

“Okay,” Elias said, surprised. “So easily?”

She simply said, “yes.”

“Yes,” Elias repeated.

"The next move is obviously at the summer carnival,” Noora said. “We have to make sure everyone is set on all the details.”

“We’ve already been working through a plan,” Elias responded. “But what did you have in mind?”

 

 **4.**  

In the end, it was Eva’s idea to add the balloon squad to the Facebook group as well.

She pointed out that if they were really going to do this, everyone should be involved. Isak argued that too many voices might pull the plan in too many directions, but Elias agreed. They needed as many people as possible to make the summer carnival idea go off without a hitch.

That, and so far, the group seemed stacked in Sana’s interests. Which was not bad. But him and Even couldn’t be the only ones who were making suggestions on Yousef’s behalf. Mutta had also suggested that if this worked, they could do a matchmaking series on Hei Briskeby.

+++

Elias stood between Vilde and Sana as they waited in front of Yousef. It was too early in the morning, in Elias’s opinion, but they all agreed to help with set-up, which was happening at eight sharp. He stifled a yawn and glanced at his sister. Sana was glaring down at the oversized volunteer t-shirt she was wearing. It was neon green. He wanted to laugh, but was distracted by Vilde’s excited bouncing.

Yousef was smiling at all of them, a clipboard in his hands. He was in the middle of explaining everyone’s duties, from set-up to what to do during the carnival to cleanup.

They were standing near the volunteer’s tent and table, with a large whiteboard listing all of the activities and people’s names next to them. When they first arrived, Mikael had elbowed Elias in the ribs. It looked like Yousef had already put himself and Sana on breaking down the games stations towards the end of the carnival. It would only take a little finessing to push them into the same spaces the rest of the day.

Elias saw Noora glance at him, shooting him a cute wink. Then she faced Yousef, and cleared her throat.

“Would it be possible to trade?” she asked.

Yousef paused; he had been talking about bouncy house etiquette. “Is there something wrong with your schedule?”

Noora shrugged. “No, just wondering, in case you know, someone really wanted to be on food service instead of, let’s say, be in charge of music.”

Yousef wrinkled his brow. “I supposed that’s fine, as long as there’s someone always at a station-”

“Perfect!” Vilde practically shouted. Mutta snickered behind her.

“Okay,” Yousef said, raising his eyebrows. “If there’s nothing else, let’s get started.”

He walked away to speak with his supervisor. The rest of the group began to meander over to their stations. Elias grinned sharply, about to follow Adam towards the games stations to start setting up. He pretended not to notice Sana eyeing him suspiciously.

+++

It was only ten, but Sana was starving already.

She was sitting on a child-sized chair, running the face painting station. Her hands were covered in an array of colors, and twice she almost swallowed her paint water instead of her drinking water. As she waited for another child to step up, she gazed at the grills on the far side of the street. She could smell the vegetables cooking, heavy with spices. It was making her mouth water.

A shadow fell over her, and she looked up. Yousef was standing a few feet away, a grin on his face. He was holding a little girl’s hand. Sana couldn’t really see the rest of the child, as she was standing behind Yousef.

“Hello,” Sana said.

Yousef tugged the little girl forward slightly, and Sana was surprised to see she was wearing a turquoise hijab and a tye-dye shirt. The girl smiled up at Sana shyly, scuffing her sneakers in the dirt. She couldn’t have been older than eight years old. Sana felt her heart swell, and for a moment, saw exactly what Yousef would be like if this was their daughter.

Heat bloomed on her cheeks, and she had to cough before feeling calm enough to address the pair.

"Hi,” Sana said, smiling down at the girl. “I’m Sana. Did you want to get your face painted?”

The girl nodded, but then snuck back behind Yousef. She was tugging at his hand. He bent down and made a serious noise as she whispered in his ear.

"Okay, what if I went first?” Sana heard him ask.

Sana could see the child nodding again.

Yousef stepped up to the seat in front of Sana, and gently folded himself into it. The girl stood directly behind him, looking at Sana shyly. Sana tried to focus on smiling at her, but she was overwhelmed by how close Yousef was. His denim-clad legs brushed against hers as he spread them; his knees bracketing hers. She could smell his cologne, mixed with sunshine and sweat.

He was literally trying to kill her, and he brought a little girl as a witness.

"This is Ayesha,” Yousef said, smiling at Sana. “She wants to get her face painted, but she’s afraid that you won’t do a good job.”

The girl giggled. “That’s not what I said!”

Yousef nodded seriously. “It’s very true. We just saw Joshua, and I have to say, not your best work.”

Sana took the bait. “Well, you try painting Spiderman’s mask with just a bunch of watercolors!”

Yousef tsked at her. “Blaming the paint, Sana? So unprofessional.”

Sana pursed her lips, trying not to laugh. “I did a fine job.”

"Fine isn’t good, though.” She saw a gleam in his eye. “And Ayesha only wants the best you have to offer.”

Sana looked at Ayesha and smiled. “That seems fair.”

"So I told her I’d get my face done first, and then she could decided if you were up to the challenge of doing hers,” Yousef said.

Oh, this was definitely not fair.

"Very reasonable,” she said instead.

Yousef clapped his hands together and asked Ayesha, “What do you think I should get?”

She mumbled the first part, but Sana heard her say, “but not the whole face!”

Yousef laughed and told her it was a good idea.

“What’s the verdict?” Sana asked.

“We want to see you try to do some more lines,” he said. “So I’m requesting a basketball. Half of my face.”

Sana wanted to roll her eyes, but refrained and smiled at Ayesha instead. She cleaned out her brush, and began to mix some red and yellow paint, trying to get that basketball orange. Yousef scooted his chair closer to hers, practically boxing her in. She felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“Are you having fun, Ayesha?” Sana asked, leaning in slightly.

The side of her hand brushed against Yousef’s face as she positioned the paintbrush. She watched as he closed his eyes briefly, pressing his skin back into hers slightly. Sana could see all of his eyelashes. She wanted to spend the entire day counting them. When he opened his eyes again, she felt herself getting lost in their dark depths.

"Yes,” Ayesha said, shyly.

Sana cleared her throat and began to brush the orange paint over his face. She concentrated on his skin, making sure the paint was spread evenly. She could feel his gaze on her face.

"What’s been your favorite part?” she asked.

Ayesha thought for a moment. “I made this shirt.”

She stepped out from behind Yousef, stretching out her top. She even did a little twirl, so Sana could see all the colors on the back.

“Wow!” Sana said. “That’s really pretty.”

"Thank you,” Ayesha said. “I also liked jumping. Mr. Yousef went in the bouncy castle with me.”

"Did he?” Sana asked, raising an eyebrow.

Yousef smiled. “I take my bouncing very seriously.”

"He can jump really high,” Ayesha said solemnly.

"I bet,” Sana said. “Can you jump high too?”

“I jumped higher than all the other boys!”

“Well, I am very impressed,” Sana said.

She smiled at Ayesha, who grinned back at her. Sana noticed that the child was slowly moving towards her with each word. She was practically leaning into Sana’s shoulder at this point. Sana didn’t mind at all. But when she caught the soft, patient look that Yousef glanced over at Ayesha with, her heart warmed. Their eyes met again, and Sana couldn’t stop herself from smiling helplessly at him.

She finished slathering the orange paint over Yousef’s face, carefully circling around his eye. He winked at her. She ducked down to clean the brush and get some black paint for the lines.

Ayesha said suddenly, “I’m the only one in school that wears the hijab.”

Sana’s heart stuttered for a moment, and she raised her hand again to Yousef’s face. She could see he trying to catch her eye, but she focused on making her black line smooth and straight.

“Oh yeah?” Sana asked.

Ayesha nodded, head resting on Sana’s shoulder. “Not in regular school. Just summer school. In regular school, there’s three of us.”

Sana hummed. “In my school, not many girls wear the hijab either.”

Ayesha said, “Do people make fun of you?”

Sana’s hand slipped, and the dark line she was drawing skewed slightly to the left. She caught Yousef’s eyes, hoping that he could understand what she was trying to ask. He nodded once, slowly, encouraging her. Sana turned her head to look at Ayesha over her shoulder.

“Sometimes, yes,” Sana said. “Sometimes people say mean things on purpose. Sometimes they say it on accident, too.”

Ayesha nodded. “That happens to me, too.”

“How does that make you feel?”

Ayesha frowned. “Sad. They’re mean. I never ask people mean questions.”

Sana hesitated. “Sometimes… people say mean things without knowing it’s mean. That doesn’t make it okay. If that happens, you can tell them to stop. Or get a teacher.”

Ayesha said, “I know.”

Sana took a breath, and tried to focus back on painting the lines on Yousef’s face.

“Mr. Yousef said I could always tell him anything,” Ayesha said. “He’s nice.”

Sana said, “He is nice.”

“When someone says something mean to you,” Ayesha asked, “Do you tell a teacher?”

Sana hesitated. “Sometimes. Sometimes I tell people it’s not their business. If I’m with my friends, sometimes they stick up for me.”

Ayesha smiled. “My friends do that too!”

Sana said, “Yeah?”

“My best friend, Ingrid, she pushed someone off the slide for saying mean things to me. She got in a lot of trouble.” Ayesha lowered her voice. “But it was awesome.”

Sana tried not to laugh. “Yes. Uhm. Hitting other kids isn’t good.”

“My mom said that too. She said there are other ways to deal with mean people.”

“Uhm, yes,” Sana said. “And how you do that is up to you.”

Ayesha was whispering again. “Sometimes I say mean things back.”

Sana looked over at her and winked. “Me too.”

Ayesha began to laugh uncontrollably, like she let go of a massive secret. Something in Sana’s heart cracked a little. It hurt her to see this precious little girl have to go through so much bullshit, as such a young age. And Sana knew that it would just get harder. She caught Yousef’s eye, and knew he was thinking the same thing. There were no right answers to tell Ayesha; Sana just hoped that she always had friends that had her back.

Just like Sana did.

“You’re really cool,” Ayesha proclaimed.

Sana smiled, and put the finishing touches on Yousef’s face. She leaned back to observe her handiwork. A smile bloomed across Yousef’s face.

“What do you think?” she asked Ayesha.

Ayesha barely looked at Yousef before she turned to Sana and asked if it was her turn yet.

+++

 Sana hauled around a massive black garbage bag, picking up empty paper cups and napkins to throw away. There was a mess of them strewn around the games station, even though a trashcan sat a few feet away. Yousef was packing up an assortment of hacky sacks, palm sized-basketballs, horseshoes, chalk, and other toys into a large cardboard box.

She paused when she noticed Yousef standing still, appraising her. She glanced down to make sure she didn’t accidently spill old apple juice on her clothing, and then turned to face him. She cocked her hip, and raised an eyebrow at him. She almost smiled; he still had the basketball face paint on.

“Yeah?”

He placed the cardboard box down on the grass. “I wanted to say thank you, earlier. For what you said to Ayesha.”

It was on the tip of Sana’s tongue to brush it off, and say it was nothing. But her objection died in her throat when she saw the serious look on Yousef’s face. She nodded instead.

“Yes, of course.”

“I know it meant a lot to her, seeing you and talking to you,” Yousef said. “And you really didn’t have to do any of that.”

Sana smiled wryly. “I remember being just like her. So I feel like… I kind of did.”

“I know it helped. She talks to me, sometimes, but it’s not the same. And… you know… the female Norwegian teachers… I think they try their best. But they don’t really get it. They just tell her to ignore it, or that every time someone says something mean, that’s a chance to educate them.” Yousef scoffed, almost bitterly. “A kindergartener. Educating a bunch of other kindergartner about why the racist things they picked up from their parents is all wrong.”

Sana sighed. “You know, Isak said the same thing to me, once.”

“Hmm?”

“That when people said stupid stuff, I should educate them, and encourage their stupid questions,” she smirked. “And it’s not that I don’t agree with it, necessarily. But… you know. It’s hard. I don’t really mind, most of the time, with my Norwegian friends. Except when it feels like I have to tell them the same thing over and over, like how I can’t have pepperoni pizza, and no, picking off the meat doesn’t help.”

Yousef nodded.

"But with total strangers… I don’t know. It’s hard. Growing up, feeling like I had to explain to adults that I wasn’t dangerous, that most of my people aren’t dangerous. Being angry that this was even a conversation I was being forced to have.”

“I know,” Yousef said. “You know, when I’m with my father, or even your brother… in some neighborhoods… the looks we get… just existing, just walking in the street…”

They shared a look of understanding and stood there a moment, quietly regarding one another. Sana didn’t feel a need to keep talking, or have to explain herself. She was able to just feel her emotions without feeling guilty or having anyone lecture her. It was nice.

It hit her then, that this was the biggest reason why she liked Yousef. Because whether they were standing right next to one another or across the room, she just felt understood. She felt seen; like he knew who she was, how she saw herself, and who she wanted to be, all wrapped up in one package. She could meander along and think out loud without having to prove herself. He listened to her, in all of her moods. He stuck by her, in all of her emotions. When she was bitchy, when she was goofy, when she was aloof, when she was thoughtful. He hung around and looked at her, really looked at her, through all of them.

And suddenly, her mouth wasn’t connected to her brain anymore, but to her heart.

“Yousef-”

Sana heard a cough behind her, and she jumped. She turned her head to see Noora eyeing them, standing a few feet away.

“Sorry,” she said, “But uhm, Yousef, your boss is looking for you?”

Sana didn’t look back at him; the moment was broken. She bent down, picking up another balled-up paper napkin. She heard Yousef walk away a moment later.

“Sana?” Noora sounded tentative. “Can we talk?”

Sana froze and shook her head. She stood upright, and scanned the street for any more trash, so she had an excuse to walk away from the conversation. Noora looked at her imploringly.

This was not a conversation that she wanted to have, not how. She had avoided talking about Yousef to Noora for weeks, and this wasn’t when she wanted to start.

“Maybe later? I’m gonna go pick up more garbage,” Sana said.

She vaguely gestured towards the volunteer’s tent, and walked away.

+++

Elias was packing up extra napkins, plates and cups when Sana stormed by him. He stepped back, about to call out to her, when he saw Noora was right on her heels. The blonde shot him a Stay Out of It look, and brushed right by him. Elias cursed, and stopped himself from pulling Noora back.

Mikael stopped where he was folding extra t-shirts, and glanced up at Elias. He had a surprised look on his face. Elias returned it, confused. What happened? It looked like everything was going fine.

Elias waved his hand at Mikael, and his friend nodded. They walked towards the back of the volunteer’s tent and peeked around it. Sana was standing with her back to them, body posture rigid. Noora was speaking, hands on her hips. Elias strained to hear.

“-Meant nothing, Sana please. I was upset about William, and literally just grabbed Yousef.”

“-It doesn't matter to me-”

“If I knew you liked him, I never would have done that,” Noora said.

“I don't like him!” Sana snapped.

Noora pursed her lips. “Why won't you tell me the truth, Sana? Please. You're… always here for me, for everything. You've been such a good friend to me, to all of us. Why won't you let us return the sentiment?”

Sana drooped. Elias wanted nothing more than to comfort her, but he stayed in his hiding place.

“It doesn't matter,” Sana said. “Because he doesn't like me back.”

Noora stared at her like she grew two heads. “Sana, of course he does! How could you not see that?”

“He kissed you,” Sana said. “He went out with you.”

Noora stared at her critically for a moment, like she wasn't sure she should continue with what she was saying. Elias and Mikael exchanged glances.

“Okay. Yes. He kissed me back, but believe me, that was all me, Sana. And those ‘dates’ we went on afterwards? The first one he spent apologizing for kissing me and asked me to let him tell you. The second one he just talked about you the entire time.”

Elias blinked. He didn't know that.

“He… he did?”

Noora nodded empathically. “Yes! He likes you so much.”

Sana sighed. “That… it was weeks ago. He probably changed-”

“Sana!” Noora looked mad now. “Don't do that.”

“Do what?”

“Act like you're not important,” Noora shook her head. “You're amazing, Sana. Of course he still has feelings for you. Why wouldn't he? Don’t you know, people like you for so much more than just what you do for them.”

Sana put her arm up, sliding her hand near her face. Elias was pretty sure she was wiping away tears.

“But none of us are mind readers,” Noora said gently. “You have to talk to us. How is it so easy for you to encourage me to open up, but you won’t even admit that you like someone?”

Sana’s voice was muffled, but Elias thought she said, “I’m trying.”

“And I’m here for you! We all are,” Noor said, smiling wryly. “You know, even your brother. He cares about you a lot. What you want.”

“I know.” Sana sounded confused. “Have you been talking to Elias?”

Noora shrugged, a smile playing on her face. “I’m just saying.”

Sana shifted. “I… I haven’t told anyone yet, but I’ve. Been looking for someone to talk to. You know. Professionally. Just to… you know.”

Noora said, “Like a psychologist? Sana, that’s great.”

Elias and Mikael looked at each other. They nodded at one another, an unspoken agreement that they shouldn’t be listening in anymore. Okay, so the entire conversation was private. But this was something else, something Sana hadn’t spoken with Elias about yet. And with this, at least, he figured he could wait until she was ready to tell him herself.

“You know Jamilla? She actually knows a few Muslim women therapists,” Sana said. “I think… I don’t know. I have some stuff to work out. But I love you. And I know you’re here for me. I… was scared. Of a lot of things.”

Noora leaned in and hugged Sana tightly. “I know the feeling.”

Mikael tugged on the back of Elias’s shirt. They slipped away from the tent, leaving the girls on their own.

+++

 Elias was already in bed when his phone went off. He threw his arm over the side of the mattress, where it was plugged in on the floor. It was a text from Noora -

_You know it’s impolite to eavesdrop_

\- Followed by a winking face emoji.

Elias chuckled -

_My bad_

_I’ll make it up to you_

And she responded -

_Can't wait_

_XOXO_

 

  **5.**

When Adam messaged the group complaining that they were doing too much planning and not enough eating, Elias had a brilliant idea.

Their parents were going out to a wedding, so he and Sana had the house to themselves. What better way to celebrate than a dinner party, with all of their friends?

Everyone agreed that Elias shouldn’t be the one to suggest it to Sana, because she already seemed suspicious of him. They had to make it seem more natural. The balloon squad agreed that it would be a perfect day to shoot another video in Elias’s house in a couple of days, and work together to casually suggest it. Isak said he’d find a way to really put the pressure on too; he was already supposed to hang out with Sana to study.

Jamilla had sent a string of laughing face emojis -

Y _ou’re all so devious. I love it_

\- And later, Eva casually, privately messaged Elias and asked if Jamilla was seeing anyone.

Elias grinned and said she was, but that Jamilla had a very cute younger sister.

+++

 The balloon squad was taking a break from filming, just lounging around in the grass. The sun was partially obscured by some clouds, but it was overall a nice and breezy day. The back door opened, and Elias shaded his eyes to look who it was.

Isak gave a small wave, holding a blanket under one arm. Sana followed him out, holding her textbook and a pile of flashcards. Yousef, who had been sprawled across the grass, pushed himself up to his elbows and smiled tentatively at the pair. Elias caught Mutta’s eyes, who smirked back at him.

Mikael waved, and told Isak he was sad that Even couldn’t come over. “Next time, make sure you drag him here if you have to!”

Both Sana and Isak beamed back at him. Elias couldn’t help but smile as well. Isak spread out the blanket, and the two of them settled down a few feet away from where the guys were lounging.

"Still studying?” Yousef asked them.

"Still on your break?” Sana shot back, raising an eyebrow.

“Filming is hard work, I’ll have you know,” Yousef said, grinning.

“Right,” Sana nodded, not sounding convinced at all.

She turned towards Isak, flipping through some of the flashcards. When she glanced down at them, Isak slowly nodded at Elias. He winked back, and nudged Mutta in the ribcage. After a few more minutes of idle chitchat between the boys, the plan was in action.

Mutta said, loudly enough to carry to Sana and Isak, “Elias, your parents going to that wedding Saturday night?”

Elias said, “Yeah, man. So you guys are all coming over, yeah?”

Mutta nodded, and he and Adam high-fived.

“Don’t you all have your own houses?” Elias heard Sana mutter.

Adam said, “Hey, Sana, why don’t you tell your girls to come over too?”

“Isak, come by as well!” Mutta said. “Even agreed he would show up. Maybe he’ll actually come if you’re here too.”

“Yeah, we can throw a party!” Mikael agreed.

Sana blinked up at the boys. “We are not throwing a party!”

Isak asked, “why not?”

Sana cut her eyes at him, but addressed Elias. “Elias? Do you remember what happened the last time a bunch of people came over?”

“Yeah, Yousef bought vodka for ‘a friend,’” Adam snickered.

Yousef just smiled, slow and easy.

“No party,” Sana said.

Isak said, “But those weren’t actually your friends. This time, it can just be laid back. I think it would be nice, Sana.”

Sana pursed her lips. “Whose side are you on?”

“Your side,” Isak said. “Also, the having fun side. It’s been a rough year.”

“We’ll handle everything,” Mutta said. “Just make sure your girls show up.”

“Yeah,” Adam nodded. “Yousef can do all the cooking.”

Yousef protested, “Hey!”

“It’ll be so nice out, we can light up the grill,” Mikael added.

“Hey, what if we filmed a cooking episode then?” Mutta asked. “Cooking with Chef Yousef-”

“Okay, okay!” Sana narrowed her eyes. “Fine. But Elias, you’re the one asking Mama. And you guys organizing everything.”

Elias shrugged lazily. But when Sana turned her back on him, he shot a manic grin at Isak. He pulled out his phone and told the Facebook group that it was full steam ahead. 

+++

True to their word, the balloon squad was putting in all of the work. Adam and Mutta had shown up not only with balloons but streamers and a bunch of cans of silly string. Mikael was acting as DJ, playing music loudly from a stereo that Even and Isak had brought over. Elias was inside, mixing a bunch of different drinks for everyone. Chris and Eva had brought an extra folding table, and Vilde and Noora asked some neighbors if they could borrow some chairs. Everyone had brought a side dish, and Yousef was in charge of the grill.

Sana didn’t want to admit it, but this had been a pretty good idea. She walked over to where Yousef was grilling alone.

“So, they really have you slaving over the grill by yourself,” Sana said, raising an eyebrow at Yousef.

He wiped at his brow with the back of his arm, his red bandana failing at tying his hair back. He was wearing some dorky apron, humming to himself as the flipped over some vegetables. Sana had discreetly watched him earlier, when he was in the kitchen. He was almost methodical in the way he sliced up peppers, zucchini, mushrooms, onions, tomatoes and garlic. She loved watching him.

Yousef looked up and grinned at her. It was infectious, and for once, she didn’t try to hold back her answering smile.

“I don’t mind,” he said. “I like cooking.”

“I don’t, really,” she said. “It’s one of those things I’m not patient enough for, I guess.”

“Oh, I can be very patient,” he said.

He was looking at her with an intense gaze, and Sana had to fight off a blush. She knew there was something else under his statement. But instead of it scaring her, she was just excited. She wanted to push back, flirt with him some more. Her talk with Noora had really helped. She had done a lot of thinking over the past few weeks.

She wondered how much she had missed with Yousef but constantly pulling back. But rather than feel sorry for herself for what she missed, she tried to look forward to what could still happen. She liked Yousef. She liked him, so much. And if he liked her back… well… what really was there to lose?

Maybe he had been mostly right, and it wasn’t so bad to act on her emotions sometimes.

She smiled up at him.

“These are almost ready,” he said to her. “You want to try a piece?”

She nodded, and looked around his preparation area for a fork. When she couldn’t find any, she started to ask him for one, but the request died in her throat. He had picked up a slice of pepper with his hand, blew on it slightly, and then held it out to her.

Sana looked him straight in the eyes and leaned in.

He swallowed, lifting the pepper to her mouth.

When she bit into it, her lips brushed against his fingertips. The pepper was sweet, and just a little bit charred. It tasted amazing. When she pulled away, she noticed a blush staining his neck.

She said, “Your patience is one of the things I like best about you.”

He nodded slowly, a grin stretching across his face. “What else do you like about me?”

She wanted to laugh and tell him she liked everything about him. She felt effervescent, spurred on by the warm sunshine and his energy. She watched as he shifted all of the vegetables from the grill to an empty platter.

She teased him, “Are you fishing for compliments?”

He looked her dead in the eyes and said, “From you? Always.”

This time, she did laugh. He began to lay down some burgers.

“I like your dancing,” she said. “Especially when you think no one’s watching you. You look… very free. Happy.”

“I am a very good dancer,” he smiled.

“I like your hats,” she said. “And all your bandanas.”

He ducked his head, but she could still see his blush. “You know, I used to cover my hair all the time.”

She furrowed her brow. “What do you mean?”

He peeked up at her through his eyelashes. “My grandfather, he believed that both men and women should cover their hair. That you can find that in the Quran. So when I was younger, I used to cover as well.”

She smiled. “I didn’t know that.”

“It’s easier for men, I think,” he said. “We can just put on hats. It’s not as noticeable as a hijab.”

"But you don’t believe anymore,” she pointed out.

“No, but I do look good in snapbacks.”

She laughed. “That’s another thing I like about you. You’re so humble.”

He flashed his teeth. “Did you know, confidence is the key to a happy life?”

“Is that so.”

He nodded sagely. “Confidence, and being kind to others.”

“Does that mean you have a happy life, then?” she asked.

“Sometimes. You can’t be happy all the time.” He slowly looked her over. “But at the moment?”

“At the moment?”

“I’m very happy.”

They stared at each other, grinning goofily.

“Yousef-”

"Yousef!” Elias came over, and clapped his friend on the back. “My man, what are you doing? There’s a difference between well-done and burnt!”

Yousef shook him off and laughed, looking down at the burgers. Sana glanced down as well; they were starting to look a little too dark, but then again, she didn’t eat meat. So she wasn’t sure.

Elias grinned at him sharply. “Stop flirting with my sister, man.”

Yousef looked directly at Sana when he said, “Dude, I can flirt and make food at the same time.” 

+++

Dinner was one of the strangest, most joyous affairs Sana had ever experienced.

Everyone had worked together to pull their kitchen table and the folding table outside, setting up all of the mismatched chairs around it. There were too many knives and not enough forks on the table. They didn’t have enough serving spoons, so the potato salad had to be scooped out with a spatula. The napkins kept blowing away until Vilde suggested they all just sit on them. Elias had produced a string of twinkle lights from somewhere, and he and Even put them up around the backyard. As the sun set, it was a beautiful night.

Sana was squashed between Isak and Yousef, with Noora and Elias sitting across from her. Every time she looked over at her best friend, Noora was grinning back at her. Isak kept trying to steal her mushrooms, stabbing his fork at her plate and laughing. And every time she moved, some part of her moved up against Yousef. Their arms brushed, their feet bumped, their knees knocked. Every time it happened, Sana could feel her insides lighting up with sparks.

Even though the food was devoured, everyone was still lazing around the table. It was like no one wanted the evening to end just yet. Eva had taken control of the music, putting on a soft, summer playlist that was gentle and sweet, like walking barefoot on the beach.

Sana watched as Yousef rubbed at his jaw.

“This is our song,” he said to her.

She squinted at him. “We have a song?”

“Yes. This is the only song we’ve ever danced to.” He looked at her indignantly. “How could you forget?”

Sana smiled. “I didn’t forget. I… I wasn’t paying that much attention to what was playing.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Noora and Elias smiling at one another. Noora tucked her hair behind her ears, blushing slightly. Sana bit her tongue lightly, trying not to laugh. That was totally Noora’s tell, when she liked someone. Sana wondered how long that had been a thing.

“What?” Noora said, noticing Sana’s gaze on her.

Sana raised her eyebrows. “Nothing.”

“Sana?”

She smiled. “I’ll tell you later.”

Noora nodded at her, eyes twinkling, and then turned to ask Vilde a question. The group stayed sitting for a few minutes longer, enjoying the atmosphere. Yousef began to slowly brush his pinky finger against Sana’s, their arms not quite touching as they rested on the tabletop. Sana’s heart pounded harder with every simple sweep.

Elias was the first one to stand up, stretching and saying they should start clearing the table away. Slowly, everyone else began to stand up as well, cleaning up empty plates, cups, and half-deflated balloons. Sana got up to go into the house to grab some plastic bags for garbage and reusable containers for anyone who wanted leftovers.

“I’ll help you,” Yousef volunteered, following her into the house.

The kitchen was dark; no one had remembered to leave any lights on before they all went outside. Sana paused for a moment, staring back out onto the backyard. The twinkle lights cast a soft yellow glow on everyone’s faces as they laughed, talked, and cleaned up together. It was such a beautiful moment that Sana pulled her phone out and snapped a couple of pictures.

She barely heard Yousef come up behind her, almost touching.

“Taking selfies while I do all the heavy lifting?” he asked.

She smiled, lowering her phone. “Heavy lifting?”

“Yes,” he said. “It’s a lot of tupperware.”

“Oh, it is, huh?”

“Yes, which isn’t fair for me to carry all of it,” he said. “Considering I did all of the grilling and you did none of it.”

She was going to keep trading barbs with him, but was too indolent and happy. As much as she liked when they snarked at each other, she wanted this moment to be soft and sweet. So she turned around to look at him. He had a bunch of plastic containers in his hands, all stacked neatly into one another. She lifted her head up. His face was partially shadowed, and some of his hair had fallen over his eyes. She tilted her head, staring up into his eyes. He looked absolutely beautiful.

He breathed her name. “Sana.”

She pressed her lips together, and dipped her tongue out slightly. She could see his gaze tracking the movement.

“Are you looking into my eyes?” She teased him.

He smiled, but his gaze looked serious.

He sounded hesitant. “Do you remember that night, walking back from Noora’s?”

She nodded.

“I - there was something I wanted to ask you,” he said.

She kept gazing at him, but said nothing.

“I - I still would like to ask you,” he said. “If that’s okay.”

“That’s fine,” Sana said, breathless.

He swallowed. “Sana, I… shit. Do.... do you believe in soulmates?”

The overhead kitchen light kicked on, and Sana jumped back, startled. The glare was too bright and for a moment, she couldn’t do anything but blink. Shaking her head and trying to refocus her vision, she looked past Yousef. Her mother was standing there, one hand on the light switch. She was looking at Yousef’s back with a curious expression on her face. Her eyes dragged over to Sana.

“Mama,” Sana said, stepping even further away from Yousef.

He turned around, smiling sheepishly at her mother. He raised one hand to wave at her; plastic lids were clenched in his fist.

“Hello, Mrs. Bakkoush,” he said.

“How was the wedding, Mama?” Sana asked.

Her mother titled her head, staying in the doorway. “It was fine.”

“Did you have a good time?”

“Yes.” Her mother was giving her an odd look. “How was the dinner party?”

Sana gestured somewhere behind her. “We’re just cleaning up now. Yousef and I came to get some tupperware. For leftovers.”

“Right,” her mother said, and then sighed. “Sana, can I talk to you for a moment? In private?”

“Excuse me,” Yousef said, taking the clue.

He nodded at Sana and brushed by her to go back outside. Sana and her mother stared at one another for a few moments. She finally sighed, and moved further into the room.

“Sana… what were you doing alone with Yousef?”

Sana said quietly, “I like him.”

“You know I trust you, it’s just you don’t tell me anything, and I keep catching you two together and-” her mother stopped. “Wait. What?”

“I like him, Mama.”

She frowned. “But Sana, he’s… he’s not a good boy.”

Sana took a deep breath. “He is, Mama. He’s kind, funny, and sweet. He works with children, and he’s great at it. He’s Elias’s best friend-”

“He drinks,” her mother frowned. “And who knows what else-”

“I know what else, Mama,” Sana cut her off. “And… Mama, there’s something else I have to tell you.”

“Sana-”

“The vodka bottle wasn’t his,” Sana said, all in a rush. “It was mine.”

“Sana!”

Sana backtracked. “Well, not mine, exactly. But it was only in the house because of me.”

“And what exactly does that mean?”

Sana took a deep breath and explained, a little bit, what happened with the russ bus and the Pepsi Max girls. She watched as her mother’s frown deepened, her eyes staring back at her with disapproval. After a moment, her mother turned her face slightly, looking at all of her friends, still cleaning up outside.

“It wasn’t Noora and Vilde and them,” Sana said quickly. “They respect the house and your rules. It was my fault, letting the other girls bring alcohol in here. I wasn't drinking. I don't do that. But I… it was all my mistake. And Yousef and Elias were trying to protect me.”

Her mother frowned. “I can’t condone lying.”

Sana said, “I know, Mama. I’m sorry that I lied about it all. And I should’ve told you sooner, about everything. But I was really scared. And… well… I wasn’t in the best place. This past semester.”

Her mother said, “Is that what all the dark lipstick and eye makeup was about?”

Sana could hear a slightly teasing tone in her mother’s voice, and sighed with relief.

“That… yes. That was part of it.” Sana said. “I… you know, I’ve been trying, Mama. Trying so hard to… be good. A guess. To be a good me. But I didn’t know who that was.”

Her mother shifted.

"It’s hard, growing up someplace like this, being from a culture that’s… nothing like this one.” Sana said. “And I don’t blame you. I love who we are. But I got a little… lost.”

“Oh Sana,” her mother said.

“I’m working on being much more honest,” Sana said. “You know… talking about my feelings. My friends have helped with that. And… Yousef too.”

Her mother sighed. “I wish you had told me about everything before this, Sana.”

“I know,” Sana said quietly. “I understand if you’re mad at me. If I’m in trouble.”

Her mother hummed for a moment, and then said, “You’re not off the hook, no. But.”

“But?”

“I’m not mad at you. You know...” she sighed. “I never forget that growing up here, in this place, means that your childhood, your life, is so much different than mine. And I worry. But I do forget that I… we are very similar, Sana. But you’re braver than I am. There are things I did when I was young that I still have not admitted to your grandparents.”

Sana smiled. Her mother opened her arms. They hugged, Sana squeezing her tightly for a few moments. When Sana pulled away, her mother’s eyes were sparkling.

“Ah, so. Yousef.” she said. “Well. I’ll have to think more about this.”

“He’s....” Sana sighed. “I like him. Very much.”

“And he’s the boy that you told me about…?”

Sana nodded, grinning. “Yes. And Mama, he definitely can cook.”

Her mother teased her, “He seems perfect for you, then.”

Sana was about to open her mouth again when the back door burst open, and Elias all but ran into the kitchen. Sana turned and raised her eyebrows at him. He looked slightly panicked.

“Yeah, Elias?” she asked.

Her mother said, “Elias?”

"Ma, can I talk to you?” He asked.

Sana looked at him, and then gestured towards the backyard. “I’m just gonna go.”

+++

Elias had just finished giving Even a high-five when Yousef stormed out of the kitchen, his face pale. He didn’t look at anyone as he placed a pile of tupperware on one of the tables.

“Shit, why does he look like that?” Isak whispered.

“Do you think Sana…?” Even leaned down to ask quietly.

Elias shushed them both, and walked over to Yousef. “Bro, you okay?”

Yousef chuckled weakly. “Yup.”

“Then why do you look like that?”

Yousef hesitated for a moment, and then sighed. “Elias.”

“Yousef.”

Elias watched his friend fidget. First he rubbed at his stomach, and then he started pulling on his bandana. He refused to look Elias in the eyes, and just began to cram food into the tupperwares. Elias blinked at him, surprised. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the rest of the balloon squad stop to stare at Yousef as well. None of them had ever seen him so flustered like this before.

“Nah, nah, it’s nothing,” Yousef said finally. “Let’s finish cleaning up.”

"Yousef,” Elias took a step forward.

His friend looked up and gave him a forced smile. “It’s all cool, it’s all cool.”

"Okay,” Elias said.

He walked over to Yousef slowly, placing a hand on Yousef’s arms. Elias gently tugged a tupperware out of Yousef’s hand, and placed it on the table. Then he tugged Yousef towards the grill, further away from the rest of the group. As they walked, he exchanged a look with Noora, who was staring at them, wide-eyed.

"Why don’t we just clean off this old thing, and then talk about it?” Elias suggested.

Yousef stood next to him, playing with his bandana, while Elias turned off and disconnected the gas. Yousef kept glancing back towards the house. He fidgeted, like he wanted to run back inside. Elias passed him a steel brush, and they both began to scrape off leftover food and grease from the grates. Yousef remained quiet, but kept glancing back towards the house.

Even though it was only a few minutes, it felt like an eternity to Elias. He finally stopped, throwing the brush on the ground. He turned to face Yousef, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yousef, man,” he said, “What the fuck?”

Yousef looked startled, and looked at the house. “Nothing. Hey, should we take down the lights next? Or-”

“It’s not nothing, bro,” Elias said. “Look, did something happen with my sister?”

Yousef’s gaze shot back to Elias. “Sana?”

Elias waved his hands. “Yeah, Sana. I don’t have any other sister you moon over.”

Yousef looked so startled that he blurted, “I - I like Sana.”

Elias wanted to laugh. “Oh, you don’t say?”

“I like Sana,” Yousef continued, like he couldn’t stop himself, “But I’m pretty sure she and your mom hate me.”

Elias paused. “What?”

Yousef shrugged and rubbed at his ribcage. He looked back at the house again.

“Man!” This time, Elias did laugh. “You need to talk to Sana.”

Yousef kept rubbing. “It - look, none of it matters anyway, your mom- she thinks I’m not a good guy, she would never let Sana-”

Elias reached his breaking point.

"Yousef!” He practically shouted. “You - worry about Sana. I will talk to my mother.”

Yousef looked startled. “I- what?”

“Wait here,” Elias said.

He stalked back towards the house, ignoring Yousef calling his name. The kitchen was illuminated, and he could see his mother and sister standing close to one another. Sana’s back was to the yard, but he could see his mother’s face. She looked both gentle and concerned.

"Elias! What are you doing?” Noora asked as he brushed past her.

He waved a hand in her direction, never breaking his stride. He pulled the door open and stepped into the kitchen. The door slammed shut behind him. His mother gave him an odd look, as if to ask if he was okay. He barely noticed as Sana turned to raise her eyebrows at him. He hardly registered them saying his name, before he asked his mother to speak.

He waited until Sana went back outside before opening his mouth.

“Yousef is a good man,” Elias said.

His mother raised her eyebrows. Man, it was like looking right at Sana.

“Okay,” his mother said slowly.

“Look, if you’re going to say any of us are bad Muslims, it’s not Yousef. He’s better than all of us,” Elias said.

He knew now was not the time to explain that Yousef wasn’t actually a believer. But he had meant what he had said to Sana, all those weeks ago. It was more important to be with someone who lived a good, caring life, than someone who just put on airs.

His mother looked taken aback. “Elias-”

And I’m the worst,” Elias said.

“Why would you say-”

"That night when you saw Yousef and Sana outside the house, they were together because of me. Because I had been drinking, and I got sick. They took me to a friend’s house to sleep it off so I wouldn’t get in trouble. And then Yousef walked Sana home,” Elias blurted out. “Because I was dumb, but Yousef was being a good friend.”

She looked surprised, but not angry. “Elias-”

“And when you came home from the wedding, and Yousef said that bottle of vodka was his, that he bought it for a friend,” Elias said. “I was the friend. He was covering for me.”

His mother stared at him for a moment, before a smile crept onto her face.

That…

Was not what he was expecting.

“That’s very interesting, love,” she said, “Because Sana just told me that that vodka bottle was hers. From when she had too many people over.”

Elias froze. “Ah...”

“Maybe you two should get your stories straight before you start admitting to things,” she said.

Elias pursed his lips. “Urm...”

“You know, we all really need to sit down and talk to each other sometime,” she continued. “I love you, my son. And your sister too. You are both good kids. But terrible communicators.”

“Ma-”

“And it is apparently very important to both of you that I like Yousef,” she said. “Elias. I believe that Yousef is a good man. And, even if you have made mistakes, I know that you are too. I trust you and Sana to surround yourself with people who are kind and genuine souls.”

He smiled. “So, you don’t hate Yousef?”

She shook her head. “No.”

He admitted, “It… the bottle did belong to those Norwegian girls. I… you know, I was just trying to look out for Sana.”

“I know.” Her gaze softened. “You are a good brother.”

“Are you mad at me?” he asked. “About… drinking? And lying?”

She smiled. “Oh yes.”

Elias blanched, and his mother laughed.

“But, that can wait for another day,” she said. “For now, I’m tired. I’m going to go lay down, and you can go back to your friends.”

“I love you,” he told her.

They hugged for a long moment.

+++

When Elias went back outside, most of the heavy cleaning was done. Everyone was spread out on the lawn, staring up at the stars, laughing and talking. Elias took a moment to observe the group, a smile playing on his face. It took him a moment to realize Yousef and Sana were missing. Instead of being worried, he grinned.

He noticed Noora propped up on her elbows, staring at him. She was laying next to Chris, but the spot on her other side was empty. Elias meandered over to her, collapsing into the grass. He stretched his arms out behind his head, pillowing them. Noora turned her entire body towards him and smiled.

“Sana and Yousef went off to the basketball court,” she said. “They looked very giggly.”

Elias grinned. He sat up slightly, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. In the Facebook group, he typed out a string of emojis: a heart, a thumb’s up, the praise hands, and the party hat. A few moments later, everyone’s phones chimed.

Chris leaned over Noora and gave him a high five.

 

**+1.**

Sana and Yousef ended up where they usually did. At the basketball court.

On their walk over, they couldn’t stop touching each other. The back of their hands bumping, their arms slightly brushing against one another. It was excruciatingly sweet. Sana wished she had the courage to slide her palm against his and interlock their fingers. But just walking like this, together. It was nice too.

Sana rocked back on her heels and looked at Yousef, smiling at him. He bounced the basketball a few times, unable to keep from grinning back at her. Sana felt like a kid again, giggles bubbling up in her chest. She knew that there still things to talk about, and many things to still work on. But being with him, it was so easy. She liked it. She liked him.

“Sana...” he said.

She dipped her tongue out, but didn’t say anything.

“Have you ever played H-O-R-S-E before?”

A startled laugh escaped her. “What?”

His grin was slow and lazy. “H-O-R-S-E. Have you played before? It’s one of my favorite games.”

She had, but she wanted to see where he was going with this. “No.”

“No?” he nodded. “Ah, then it’s good I’m here to teach you.”

He bounced the basketball at her. She caught it with both hands, blushing. If she tried hard enough, she could feel the warmth of where his palms had been running all over it.

“You want to play a game?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. “Now?”

He nodded again. “It’s a very important game, Sana.”

She bounced the ball back to him. “Okay. How do you play?”

He began to dribble the ball again, walking in a slow circle around her. She turned her body in tandem with his, unwilling to break eye contact. Her cheeks hurt from grinning so much.

“I take a shot first, and then you have to take a shot the exact same way I do it,” he said. “And then, you take a shot, and I have to do it the same way you do it. We keep taking turns.”

“Okay.”

“If you miss the shot I show you, then you get a letter. And if I miss a shot that you show me, I get a letter. Each time you get a letter, the other person is allowed to ask you one personal question. And you have to answer it completely honestly.”

Sana knew he was making all of this up. But he was watching her carefully, offering her a line, a way for them to talk to each other, to put it all out there and not be so afraid anymore.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “And how do you win?”

"The first person to get five letters, or to spell or H-O-R-S-E loses,” Yousef said.

“You’re on,” Sana said.

Yousef’s eyes sparkled at her. “Do you want to go first?”

Sana laughed. “No. You can go first. You’re gonna need all the help you can get.”

Yousef flashed all of his teeth at her and began nodding. “Cocky, cocky girl.”

"Don’t you know?” she said, “confidence is the key to a happy life.”

Yousef dribbled the ball for a few more moments, just staring at her happily. Then he shook himself, looking sheepish.

"Shit. What was I doing? Okay,” he said. “First challenge: you have to dunk.”

Sana blinked for a moment, before realizing he was completely serious. He was not going to go easy on her, was he? She nodded at him, and watched his legs the entire time. His muscles flexed, toned and tan. He jumped easily, the ball kissing the rim of the hoop as he dunked it in.

He turned to look at her like he surprised himself, full of joy.

She retrieved the ball and stared up at the hoop. She knew there was no way she was going to make it. But she took a deep breath anyway, and tried to calm herself down. If Yousef were going to ask her a question, he’d probably keep it light and easy, right?

She jumped up.

And missed dunking by a long shot.

His laugh rang in her ears as he grabbed the ball back. She shrugged at him, putting one hand on her hip.

“Okay, that’s ‘H’ for me, right?” She said. “Go, what’s your question?”

His smile was so pure that she almost choked on her own spit when he asked, “Why did you really block me on Facebook?”

Right.

Not light and easy at all.

He palmed the basketball and stared at her.

Sana wanted to look down. But a bigger part of her forced herself to look him in the face. She not only owed him that, but she owed it to herself.

“I-” she swallowed. “It… scared me, when you told me you didn’t believe in Allah. I… felt like… well. I didn’t understand. And for something so important to me… it was before we had talked, heading back from Noora’s. I didn’t understand why. I thought it meant something much different than it does.”

She didn’t know if that made any sense, but he just nodded slowly and passed her the ball. She took it, furrowing her brow a bit. She wanted to ask if that was the end of the question, but the words died in her mouth as he looked at her.

“What’s your challenge?” he asked.

She thought for a moment. “Shoot with your non-dominant hand.”

“Ah,” he smiled. “Easy.”

She believed him. She knew it was shot both of them could do, probably in their sleep. She dribbled and then lifted her ball up. She easily made the shot, and passed the ball over.

He didn’t even look at what he was doing; didn’t even seem to be putting in any effort at all. When he shot, the ball missed by a few feet, sadly bouncing and rolling back towards them.

Sana wet her lips and looked at him. He retrieved the ball and then stared back, almost defiantly. Like he was daring her to call him out. Instead, she took another deep breath. And realized, perhaps belatedly, they weren’t actually playing a game at all.

“‘H’ for you, then,” she said, slowly. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Why did you kiss Noora?”

He let out a breath. “Honestly… because I was being dumb. She was… nice and sweet. And she looked as lonely as I felt. And afterwards… I know we both regretted it.”

He cleared his throat, and then sat down on the ground. He crossed his leg, bouncing the ball a few times. Then he stretched his body out, and took a shot. It went right into the hoop.

Sana smiled, and went to get the ball. When she returned with it, she sat close to Yousef. Their knees brushed.

She thought for a moment, turning the ball over and over in her hands. She didn’t want to lose this game, mostly because she was so competitive. But, maybe that wasn’t the point, not right now. If everything went well, then there’d be more games like this, in the future. And besides, if she really lost… wouldn’t that, hopefully, just mean that both of them would win?

Sana threw the ball with all of her might, but purposefully veered to the right. She missed the net by a few feet. Yousef made a startled noise next to her, but Sana didn’t look at him. She just went to get the ball, kicking it softly back to him. He stood up, stopping it from rolling with his own foot.

“‘O,’” said Sana.

 “Were you ignoring me because you thought I was with Noora?”

Sana sucked in a breath. “Yes. I… had seen you two kissing, and… I was jealous. I thought that meant… that you two were going to start dating. And that… I didn’t want that.”

Yousef held onto the ball for a moment longer, and then tossed it to her.

The game continued. Each turn, a new letter was added to their scores.

When Yousef didn’t score by making a shot from behind the backboard, Sana asked him why he lied for her about the vodka.

“So that you wouldn’t get in trouble,” he said as if it were obvious.

After Sana failed miserably trying to make a basket from behind the half-court line, Yousef asked why she just didn’t ask him about Noora himself. She looked him in the eye and said her heart was already broken, and she didn’t want confirmation of that.

Yousef missed, throwing the ball backwards from the free-throw line. Sana asked him why he didn’t try to add her back on Facebook. When he said, eyes down, that he thought she hated him, her heart squeezed painfully.

She missed her underhanded shot, and he asked her if Elias had anything to do with how she had treated him in the past. Sana furrowed her brow, but ultimately shook her head, and said no. That she hadn’t really talked to Elias about Yousef, much. But if anything… Elias had been encouraging her more than she had been encouraging herself.

When Yousef didn’t shoot three baskets in a row, Sana slowly tossed the ball back and forth between her two hands. She bit down on her lip, almost drawing blood. She soothed the bite by running her tongue over it, before clearing her throat.

“Do… do you think… uhm...” she paused. “Does it bother you that I’m religious?”

“Of course not,” he said immediately. “I… for me, the most important thing is what someone believes in, and if they reflect their values in their everyday life. Do you remember when I talked about being a compassionate person, thinking of others?”

She nodded, throat tight.

“That is most important for me. And if those values… if you follow those values, and have that kind of passion and clarity, through religion,” he said, “to me, that is beautiful. And I know it might be difficult. But I don’t care if all of the details aren’t the same. As long as we are thinking along similar paths.”

He held his hands out, and she tossed the ball over to him. Her heart swelled.

"Let’s see if you can do this,” he said.

He went to the opposite side of the court and closed his eyes. Sana watched as he began to run. She was worried that he might hit the pole; but at the last minute, he did a lay-up, sinking the ball in perfectly.

Sana knew she couldn’t do that. And more, she didn’t care. After she tried, and she threw the ball so hard that it bounced out of the court and rolled out of the way, she just stood and laughed. Yousef watched her, his eyes crinkling. She looked around for it, but it was so dark, she couldn’t see anything beyond the lights of the court. She’d have to come back in the morning, search for the ball among the grass.

"Ah, well,” she chuckled. “I lost, anyway. This is my ‘E.’ What’s your last question?”

She turned to face him, standing just a few feet away.

“What...” he paused, as if in great thought. “What is your favorite dessert?”

“Eh?” She made a face at him. “That’s your last question?”

He nodded slowly. “Yup.”

She thought for a moment, and then smiled. “Carrot cake.”

She stepped closer, barely any space between them. She blinked up at him. A silly grin was spread across his face. He brought his hand up, just barely touching her face. She leaned into the caress slightly, his thumb pressed into the corner of her mouth.

“Do you want a freebie?” he asked her.

“Hmm?”

“I probably wouldn’t have made my last shot,” Yousef said. “Do you want a freebie, to ask me a last question?”

She thought about it for a moment.

Instead of answering, she decided to turn her face slightly, into his hand. Her lips brushed along his palm. He closed his eyes for a moment. When she placed a soft kiss there, he shuddered slightly. His eyes opened slowly, and they stared at each other.

“Yousef,” she whispered, mostly into his skin.

“Sana?” his eyes burned.

“Do you like me?”

“Yes.” His voice dropped, and it made her shiver.

She admitted, “I like you too.”

His eyes closed for a moment, and then his dark gaze met hers again. “Can I kiss you?”

She nodded slowly, enjoying the feeling of the pads of his fingers moving across her face. She leaned in most of the way, eyes locked onto his. His lips pressed into hers, soft and firm. Her entire body tingled, and she let her eyes drift shut.

Still pressed against his mouth, she breathed. “Wow.”

Sana felt Yousef’s smile against her lips.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> First: I’m not Muslim. So if anything doesn’t make sense or is just downright wrong, I apologize, and will correct it. 
> 
> As a queer Women of Color, one of the reasons why this got so deep is I really didn’t like the way the show has been handling ethnoracial identity. One of the scenes that really made me upset was the Sana/Isak scene on the bench. In my watching it, it essentially felt like (to me) Isak was whitesplaining to Sana, and basically saying it was her duty to educate everyone and that racism is often just unintentional. Furthermore, it seemed to me that a racially/ethnically marginalized person did not write that scene. Maybe that’s my misunderstanding, but overall I don’t think Isak’s dialogue or the ending of that conversation was done well. 
> 
> I certainly don’t have all the answers, and I think there are many ways to depict conversations like that in a nuanced and impactful way that don’t just tie everything up neatly, but rather, challenge viewers to reflect on their own prejudices. I also wished that Sana had more conversations like that with her brother, her parents, Yousef, or even Jamilla. In my own experiences, many of the hardest but best conversations I’ve had have been working through things with other PoC. Those, more than white people saying, “not all of us!” have helped me to grow in my empathy while learning to set boundaries. I wanted to explore and write something that showed how the characters of color might interact with the topic of Islamophobia and racism if it was just amongst them. So, a lot of it is based off of my own interactions with my friends (some of whom are Muslim, but all of whom are also PoC). 
> 
> Slightly related: About the scene where Yousef tells Sana he used to also cover for religious reasons. This headcanon is based off of a male, Muslim friend of mine who covers his hair for religious reasons. I know Yousef always wearing hats/bandanas might just be an #aesthetic choice, but I also have been thinking about it a lot, and wondering if there were any other reasons. Especially after re-watching the scene when Yousana is walking home from Noora’s. Outside of Sana’s house, Yousef has a hood up as well, and it kind of paralleled Sana’s hijab. 
> 
> Second: I also am not Norwegian, so please excuse anything that’s culturally off.


End file.
